


Just Beneath the Flames

by lechaton17



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Feels, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Rape/Non-con Elements, post-skating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-10-15 22:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechaton17/pseuds/lechaton17
Summary: Yuuri left Victor six months ago, with no explanation or reason.After six months of both of them just surviving, Victor comes back to fight for Yuuri and try to understand what went wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back :D 
> 
> I have an addiction to writing sad Victuuri stories guys help 
> 
> Anyway, here's to a new story!! As usual, I kind of write as I go without any extreme planning, so not sure how long this will be. Just one of the ideas that popped in my head and I decided to go with it. I will probably be adding additional tags and what not as the story progresses. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Rain was falling outside of Yuuri’s window. Of course it was raining. He had already slept in too late, and now he was going to have to run through the rain to get to work on time. Of course. That was just how life liked to treat him these days. Groaning and hating the world, Yuuri pulled on his jacket, pulling the hood over his head, looking around his empty apartment before he left. It was an old habit. He had been living on his own for months now, but still, he looked for someone to say goodbye to.

 

It could get lonely, but he was used to it.

 

The city was loud and busy despite the inclement weather. He had moved to Tokyo six months ago with the hopes that he could escape. He had needed to go somewhere where no one knew him or the things he had been through. And, so far, it had been working. He had a job, but kept to himself and hadn’t really made any friends. But that was okay. He hadn’t come all this way to make friends.

 

He was honestly just trying to survive. And the only way he knew how to survive was by being alone.

 

Luckily, he made it to the cozy little coffee shop just in time, though his boss did eye his wet appearance and flushed face, at least he had made it. He quickly threw off his wet jacket and pulled on an apron, and already he felt a little calmer. Working at a coffee shop had been far from his dream occupation, but his job was the one thing that brought him peace. He was able to focus on something when he was working, distracting himself from his disaster of a life.

 

Every day was the same. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. He didn’t talk to his family or friends very much. He couldn’t. They were always so worried, asking him how he was, if he was taking care of himself. He told them he was fine. Which he was.

 

Okay, he wasn’t fine.

 

But he was surviving.

 

So much had happened. So many things, and he couldn’t take any of it back. His family always wanted to bring up the past, and all he wanted was to try and forget that it existed.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

He couldn’t forget the bad things. What was worse was that he couldn’t forget the good things, either, and his heart still ached for them.

 

For _him_.

 

At night Yuuri would lay awake and stare at the ceiling of his crummy apartment, thinking of the bad things, missing the good things, wondering if he did the right thing, wondering what he could have done differently, and always hating himself for all of it. He hated that he had been so weak. He hated the pain that he had caused. He hated that he had ruined not only his own perfect life, but Victor’s as well.

 

 _Victor_.

 

It was hard to even think of his name. Thinking of his name led to remembering his blue eyes, his soft hair, the smell of his cologne, the taste of his kiss.

 

Yuuri still loved Victor.

 

That’s why he had left.

 

Victor was too good for him. Yuuri was not worthy of the love of someone like Victor. Not after everything that had happened.

 

So he moved to Tokyo. And became a barista at a random little coffee shop where no one knew him or cared.

 

His life wasn’t exactly a happy one, but it was the best he could do. All he could do for the time was take things day by day, and hope that someday, something would make sense again.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri went on his lunch break, the morning having rushed by quickly. He sat at a table, warm cup of coffee in hand, and scrolled through his phone. He smiled at pictures of Yuuko and her family that she had emailed him. Yuuko was the only person he kept in close touch with these days. For some reason, she was just the easiest person to talk to. She never tried to push him for information. And she was far enough removed from his life with Victor that she felt safe to talk to. He still spoke to his mother often enough that she wouldn’t worry. But everyone else…Phichit, Yuri, Chris, all of them. He had pretty much stopped talking to them all.

 

It had just been easier that way. They hadn’t made it easy, but eventually even Phichit had given up. They just left him alone now.

 

They all reminded him of his St. Petersburg life, after all. And that’s what he was trying to escape. If it meant losing his friends, then that was what he had to do.

 

He sighed and sat his phone down. Every day was a struggle. Every day he had to fight the tears, the panic, the hurt, the loneliness. Every day he had to convince himself that things would get better.

 

Thankfully, his break was soon over and he was able to get himself lost in his job again. He put on a smile and acted as if he loved his life. It was good enough to convince everyone around him. It was almost good enough to even convince himself sometimes.

 

But it was fragile as could be. Especially when Yuuri turned around to serve his next customer, to see the blue eyes of Victor Nikiforov staring back at him.

 

Yuuri dropped the latte that was in his hand, his whole body freezing up. No, _no no no no_. Victor could not be there. He couldn’t. How had he found him? Yuuri hadn’t told anyone where he was working, not even his family. But it was definitely Victor there, standing there looking at him, his expression surprised, and yet sad. Yuuri could see the sadness in Victor’s eyes.

 

“Yuuri,” Victor said, looking uncertain.

 

Yuuri’s coworkers were looking at him, and Victor was looking at him, and he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t seen Victor in six months. He had deleted all of their pictures from his phone, unfollowed all social media accounts. He had done everything he could to not see Victor.

 

He forgot that he was at work. He didn’t see or hear anything around him except for Victor. His heart was pounding.

 

“What…what are you doing here?” he managed to say.

 

Victor looked hurt, but only for a second. The hurt flashed across his face quickly. “I ordered a cup of coffee, but it seems that you have spilled it on the floor.”

 

At that moment Yuuri’s boss swooped it, glaring at Yuuri, and gave Victor a fresh cup of coffee while Yuuri still stood there, frozen. “What are you doing?” his bossed hissed at him. “Clean up this mess!”

 

Finally, Yuuri came back to his senses, finding an excuse to tear his eyes away from Victor. He quickly left to get a mop, his hands shaking as he cleaned up the spilled coffee. Victor had taken a seat at a table, and Yuuri could feel his eyes on him. And Victor stayed there for the remainder of Yuuri’s shift, which made working extremely difficult for Yuuri. His heart would not stop racing. He couldn’t focus on what he was doing. _Victor was there_. After six months. After cutting everything and everyone out of his life. After living alone in a tiny cramped apartment and working a low wage job. After thinking of Victor every single night.

 

Victor was still there when Yuuri’s shift ended, and Yuuri had no choice but to face him. He was fully prepared to walk up to Victor and tell him to go away, but when Yuuri finally walked up to the table to tell him just that, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

 

After all, he had missed Victor so much. It was hard to tell him to leave.

 

“Why are you here?” he asked instead, skipping the hellos.

 

Victor looked at him, his chin resting on his hand. “I came here for you, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri’s heart was pounding again. “What do you mean?”

 

Victor smiled.

 

“I came to bring you back home.”


	2. Chapter 2

Victor had never seen it coming.

 

He had come home late one night, after staying at the rink working with Yuri on his routine. Since Victor had retired from skating, he had been using his time to help coach the other skaters at the rink, though he spent most of his time with Yuuri and Yuri. Everything had been going well. At least, he had believed everything was going well. Not every day was perfect, of course, but it couldn’t always be.

 

But he came home one night, and Yuuri was gone.

 

All that was left was a note, explaining that Yuuri had left him and wasn’t coming back.

 

Of course, Victor had been shocked. And of course, he had fought. He had tried with every fiber of his being to talk to Yuuri, to try and understand, to try and get some answers. There had been no indication that anything was wrong, after all. They had fought a few times, but they had always made up afterwards. He had believed that they were a happy couple. He turned to Yuuri’s family and friends, trying to understand, but everyone was as clueless as he was.

 

Yuuri had refused to see him or talk to him. Victor had followed him all the way home to Hasetsu, sitting outside of the door to his family’s inn, waiting for Yuuri to come to his senses, to at least explain his reasoning. But nothing. He got nothing, except for some text messages saying that Yuuri was done with their relationship and asking Victor to leave him alone.

 

So, Victor had. He let Yuuri go. Yuuri ending up leaving his family’s home, and all they told Victor is that he had moved to Tokyo. Victor had never been more heartbroken in his life. He felt empty without Yuuri. He wasn’t sure who to be angry at; Yuuri for leaving him, or himself for whatever he had done to cause it. In the months following Yuuri’s departure, Victor fell into a slump. He went to the rink and worked with Yuri every day, but he didn’t feel the same anymore. He had given himself in full to Yuuri, brought him into his home, into his rink, into his life. He had never done that for anyone before. He had never been in love before, after all.

 

“Alright look,” Yuri said one afternoon, throwing up his hands impatiently at practice. “You need to go find him.”

 

Victor, who had been staring off at the window, looked around in surprise. “What?”

 

“You know exactly what,” Yuri said, crossing his arms. “You need to go find that damn Katsudon and bring him back.”

 

Victor sighed. “He doesn’t want to, Yuri. I tried.”

 

“Well try harder, dammit!” Yuri snapped. “Look, I know he fucked you over. But there has to be a reason, Victor. That damn pig loves you, I know it. And I’m tired of you sitting around here moping. At least if you find him and talk to him, maybe you can get answers. You need something, Victor.”

 

Yuri’s voice had gotten softer. Victor was taken aback, as Yuri didn’t show his caring side often, especially with him. Otabek, yes. Even Yuuri. But never much with Victor. Just went to show how big of a mess Victor had become.

 

So, he had taken Yuri’s advice. He started asking around to see if anyone had any information. It seemed like it was hopeless, though, because not even Yuuri’s family was able (or perhaps willing) to give him any information.

 

It was Yuuko who finally broke and told him that Yuuri had been working at a coffee shop in Tokyo, and with only the name of the café in hand, he bought a plane ticket and flew to Tokyo, without even packing a bag.

 

* * *

 

 

“I came to bring you back home.”

 

Yuuri stared at him. His face showed nothing but shock, and Victor was desperately hoping to read him. Yuuri’s hair had gotten longer, and he looked thinner, as well. There was something about him that reminded Victor of when he first came to Yuuri’s home in Hasetsu. Yuuri had changed so much since then, or at least, he had when he had been living with Victor.

 

“I-I told you, Victor.” Yuuri looked down at his feet. “I told you I don’t want to. I don’t know how or why you are here, but you need to leave.”

 

Victor had been expecting this, and it didn’t faze him. “No.”

 

Yuuri looked back up. “No?”

 

Victor nodded. “I’m not leaving, Yuuri. Not until I understand. You owe me that much.”

 

Yuuri squirmed uncomfortably. He was silent for several seconds, before he sighed.

 

“One drink. I know a place close to here. We’ll have a drink and then you will leave.”

 

That was better than nothing. “Let’s get a drink, then.”

 

They walked together in silence. Yuuri smelled faintly of coffee, and Victor liked it. He liked Yuuri’s hair, as well. It looked good. He looked good. God, he had missed Yuuri. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him, but he knew he couldn’t. Yuuri led him to a bar a couple blocks away from the café. Luckily it was early enough that the bar was pretty quiet. They got a table in the back of the bar and ordered a couple of beers. They sat there in uncomfortable silence until their drinks arrived.

 

“So,” Victor said, sipping his beer. “Are you going to start?”

 

Yuuri looked down at his drink. “I don’t really know what to say, Victor.”

 

“Why did you leave?”

 

“Because I had to.”

 

Victor gripped his beer tightly. He had to? “Was it because you stopped loving me?”

 

“No!” Yuuri said so quickly that Victor was startled. Yuuri’s cheeks flushed and he took a big gulp of his drink. “It wasn’t… I didn’t stop loving you. I….” Yuuri was struggling. He took another large gulp. “Sometimes two people just don’t work, Victor.”

 

“But how were we not working?” Victor asked, trying to hide the anger in his voice. “We were happy! Everything was going perfectly!”

 

“For you!” Yuuri retorted. His mug was already empty. “You were happy. I thought I was happy too, but….” Yuuri shook his head. “All good things must come to an end, right?”

 

“That’s bullshit,” Victor said, narrowing his eyes. “It only came to an end because you left, Yuuri. You made it end.”

 

“I had to!” Yuuri replied, slamming his fist down.

 

“But _why_? Why won’t you just give me a real answer?” Victor was frustrated. All he wanted was to know the truth.

 

Yuuri shook his head. “I need another drink,” he muttered, and stood up, walking back up to the bar. Victor took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It was hard to hide his anger and frustration, as well as his hurt. But he didn’t want to scare Yuuri off, either. He hadn’t come all this way for nothing. He was surprised that Yuuri had even agreed to sit with him at all.

 

Yuuri came back with a fresh beer and a whole pitcher for good measure. He took another drink before he spoke again. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, Victor,” he said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

 

“You didn’t think leaving would hurt me? Leaving without an explanation, a reason?” Victor leaned forward, and he almost grabbed Yuuri’s hand, but he stopped himself. “We could have worked it out, Yuuri, if you had just talked to me.”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “No, we couldn’t have.”

 

“Why do you keep saying that? Why couldn’t we have talked it out? I’m just trying to understand.” Victor felt the tears forming in his eyes, but he didn’t care.

 

“Because there are some things you can’t fix, Victor,” Yuuri said quietly, taking a long drink. Yuuri’s cheeks were red, and Victor knew that it didn’t take much for Yuuri to get tipsy. “Sometimes bad things happen.”

 

Victor was confused. “What bad things?”

 

Yuuri bit his lip. He, too, looked like he was about to cry. But he shook his head. “It doesn’t…it doesn’t matter anymore, Victor.” He finished his drink. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.” He was more muttering to himself now, as if trying to convince himself.

 

If Victor was convinced of anything, it was that that there was something that Yuuri wasn’t telling him. Something that scared him enough to run away back to Japan and leave without notice. He wasn’t sure of what it could be, but he was beginning to wonder if it was something that he had done, or something completely different. After Yuuri had left, Victor had talked with Yuuri’s family a lot. Both is mother and sister had assured Victor that this was normal behavior for Yuuri. Running away came natural to him. But they hadn’t expected him to run so far away from them all.

 

“Everyone misses you, you know,” Victor said quietly. “Everyone at the rink was shocked when you left. Especially Yuri. Makka misses you, too. I feel like she hasn’t been the same since you left.” He sipped his beer. “I haven’t been the same since you left.”

 

Yuuri was silent. Victor sighed. This wasn’t going anywhere. Not even the alcohol was getting Yuuri to talk. Victor wasn’t sure what else he could say. He wasn’t about to tell Yuuri that he had been a mess since Yuuri had left. Even though he wanted Yuuri to know how badly he had hurt him, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit it.

 

Yuuri continued to drink, and soon, Victor had to force him to stop. “You are going to regret this if you don’t,” he sighed, taking the empty mug and pitcher away from Yuuri and taking it back to the bar. He returned to the table, where Yuuri was swaying in his seat. “Do you live far from here?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “Just a few…a few blocks. I should probably go, I have to work in the morning.” He stood up, catching his balance on the table.

 

“Let me walk you home,” Victor insisted, unable to stop himself from caring about Yuuri.

 

“I’m not…I’m not having sex with you,” Yuuri said.

 

Victor rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on it. I just want to make sure you get home safe.”

 

Yuuri giggled. How quickly his mood could change. “Victor, you are always so nice.”

 

“Let’s just go, Yuuri,” Victor said, ignoring the statement. “You have to tell me where to go, though.”

 

Victor ended up having to put his arm around Yuuri to keep him from running off, but Yuuri didn’t seem to mind. He told Victor useless facts about the neighborhood as they walked, and Victor couldn’t help but feel a little amused. Finally, they reached an apartment building, and Yuuri said, “It’s here.”

 

Victor looked at the stairs uncertainly. “I’ll walk you to your door, at least.”

 

“Where are you staying?” Yuuri asked, leading the way, dragging Victor by the hand.

 

“I…haven’t planned it out yet, actually,” Victor replied. He wasn’t even sure if he was staying.

 

“Y-you can stay with me, if you want,” Yuuri said, pulling him into the elevator. “It’s not the best but it’s okay.”

 

“I…don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Victor said uncertainly.

 

“Don’t be silly, Vitya,” Yuuri laughed, and it hurt to hear Yuuri call him that again. They got off the elevator, and Yuuri unsteadily led him to his apartment. Victor had to help him turn the key in the lock. Once they were inside, Yuuri basically fell over onto his bed. The apartment was small, all one room aside from the bathroom. It was also trashed, and undecorated. It was rather sad.

 

“The couch is yours,” Yuuri mumbled, already half asleep. Victor sighed, unwilling to fight about it. It was just for the night, after all.

 

“You win,” Victor said. “I’ll stay. Are you feeling okay? You aren’t going to be sick, are you?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, his eyes closed. Victor waited there a few moments, but it seemed that Yuuri was done talking for the night. Just as he turned to look in the fridge for some water, Yuuri said, “I was so scared, Vitya.”

 

Victor turned around. “Scared of what?”

 

“That night,” Yuuri muttered, and with that, his head fell on his shoulder, and he was asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri woke up in the middle of the night, his head swimming unpleasantly. He groaned and rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes. Why did he ever drink? He had to lay there and think for a minute, trying to remember why he had drunk so much in the first place.

 

And then he remembered.

 

He sat up a little too quickly, making his stomach churn. So it had really happened. Victor was there, asleep on his couch, after all. Yuuri clenched his blankets, feeling panic arise in him. It didn’t help his queasy stomach at all. Being as quiet as he possibly could be, get got out of bed and escaped into his bathroom, locking the door being him. It took all of three seconds for him to lose the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Great. This was just fucking great. Victor was there, in his shitty apartment, witnessing his mess of a life. Victor was there and Yuuri had gotten drunk and probably made a fool of himself. How much had he told Victor? He tried to remember, though it was difficult between his spinning head, his nausea and his panic.

 

He hadn’t told Victor what happened, had he?

 

He couldn’t remember doing so, and even drunk Yuuri felt like he would have remembered that. God, this was a mess. Victor couldn’t be there. Yuuri was barely holding himself together as it was. He had left because he couldn’t bear to tell Victor what had happened. He couldn’t even think about it. He had missed Victor so much. Being a part from him had been hard, but at least when he didn’t have to face Victor. It was easier to tell him that he didn’t want him there. It was easier to say that he had wanted to end their relationship. But when Victor was standing there in front of him, Yuuri wanted nothing more than to hug him, to kiss him, to tell him he loved him, and for Victor to tell him that it would be okay, that it didn’t matter what had happened.

 

In his heart, he knew. He knew Victor would never leave him or be angry at him for what happened. Quite the opposite, Yuuri knew that Victor would be nothing but caring and supportive. And Yuuri longed for Victor’s comfort. But at the same time, Yuuri felt that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve Victor’s comfort. He didn’t deserve Victor at all. Yuuri didn’t deserve that kind of love. He had done nothing but bring Victor down. Yuuri wasn’t good for Victor. Yuuri knew this. That was why he had left.

 

_6 months ago_

_Yuuri burst into their apartment. It was empty, of course, except for Makkachin, who wagged her tail happily at the sight of Yuuri. Yuuri paid her no attention. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He didn’t understand what had happened, and at the same time, he was painfully aware of it. He was shaking and the tears were flowing. Without thinking, he began to grab random things of his and shove them into an empty gym bag. He couldn’t be there. He couldn’t let Victor find him like this. He couldn’t let Victor find out what had happened. Yuuri felt dirty, tainted. There was no way he could look Victor in the eyes. Lay next to him in bed._

_The pain was overwhelming. He loved Victor more than anything. He needed Victor._

_But he didn’t deserve him._

“Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri jumped, hearing a knock at his bathroom door. “Are you okay?”

 

Yuuri couldn’t even breathe let alone answer. He quickly flushed the toilet, hoping it would muffle the sounds of his sobs. The bathroom felt too small. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. But he was afraid to face Victor, as well. _Just breathe_ , he told himself, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t handle it all. He just wanted to sink through the floor and disappear.

 

“Yuuri.” Victor was still there, rattling the door handle. “Open the door.”

 

Yuuri pulled his knees to his chest and shook his head, though he knew Victor couldn’t see him. He felt like he was underwater and couldn’t reach the surface. He closed his eyes, waiting, hoping he could just pass out already and escape. He just wanted it all to stop.

 

There was a loud bang and the door to the bathroom flew open. The room was small enough that it almost scraped Yuuri’s knees. And Victor was there, looking down at Yuuri, worry flashing across his features. He bent down so he was at the same eye level as Yuuri, and tried to reach out and grab Yuuri’s arm, but Yuuri recoiled.

 

“Yuuri, you have to breathe,” Victor said, his eye contact steady, his hand still outstretched. “You need to take deep breaths. Come on. Breathe with me.”

 

Victor took a deep breath, and Yuuri just shook his head. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do anything.

 

“Please Yuuri,” Victor whispered, and Yuuri felt the words, they hit him right in his heart. Victor’s eyes were so sad, and Yuuri hated it. He had caused Victor so much pain.

 

Yuuri took a shaky breath. Victor sighed in relief. “That’s good. Let’s keep at it.”

 

They sat there on the bathroom floor for what felt like hours. The panic seizing Yuuri slowly left him, and his breaths became easier. He was covered and sweat and felt drained. He leaned back against the shower door, his eyes closed.

 

“Better?” Victor asked. Yuuri nodded. “That’s good. You scared me there for a second.”

 

“S-sorry,” Yuuri replied, still not opening his eyes. He didn’t want to look at Victor.

 

“It’s okay,” Victor replied quietly. “I’ll get you some water.”

 

Yuuri didn’t argue. He heard Victor get up and move around the apartment. Yuuri felt exhausted, physically and mentally. He wasn’t even sure where they were supposed to go from there, and he was too tired to care at the moment. Victor came back a minute later and pushed a glass into his hands. Yuuri muttered his thanks and sipped it.

 

“Does it…get that bad often?” Victor asked him.

 

Surprised, Yuuri opened his eyes to look at him. “Sometimes,” Yuuri admitted.

 

“And…you’re always alone?” Yuuri couldn’t stand the hurt in Victor’s voice.

 

“I’m okay, now,” Yuuri told him. “I think I’m going to go back to bed. I’m sorry I woke you.”

 

Victor sighed. “It’s fine. I wasn’t sleeping well, anyway.” He held out his hand to help Yuuri up. Yuuri hesitated, and then took it. Victor pulled him up. Yuuri was a bit shaky but found his balance. There was an awkward moment when Yuuri reached his bed and looked back at Victor. They just stood there and looked at each other, unsure of what to do or say.

 

“Goodnight,” Yuuri finally said, and got back into bed without looking back at Victor. He heard Victor say, “Goodnight, Yuuri.”

 

* * *

 

When Yuuri woke up again, the sun was out. Groggily, he reached for his phone. Luckily he hadn’t slept too late, but the way his head was pounding, he knew there was no way he was going to work today. He looked around at the couch, but Victor wasn’t there. Had he left? Had he realized that Yuuri was a mess and not worth it?

 

 _What are you thinking_ , he thought to himself. I _t’s not like you wanted him to be here_.

 

But that was a lie and he knew it.

 

He called his boss and let him know that he was sick and couldn’t make it in to work that day. His boss seemed annoyed, but Yuuri hadn’t called out before, so he grudgingly told Yuuri to feel better. After he hung up, Yuuri got up and found some ibuprofen in his cabinet, washing it down with some water. He was still tired and could easily sleep for a few more hours. But he couldn’t help but wonder where Victor had gone, and if he was coming back. It wasn’t as if Victor had brought even a suitcase with him. It was obvious that Victor hadn’t planned on staying. And it’s not like Yuuri had given him the answers he had been looking for.

 

Yuuri opened his fridge, but it was pretty much empty. Sighing, he went and lay back down on his bed. He had almost fallen back asleep when the door of his apartment opened.

 

“Sorry!” Victor said as Yuuri jumped up. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Victor had several bags on his arms.

 

“What did you buy?” Yuuri asked curiously.

 

“Oh.” Victor looked at the bags. “Some clothes, since I didn’t bring any of my own. And breakfast, because I figured you might need some food and there was nothing to eat here.”

 

Yuuri just watched as Victor sat the bags down. “I’m going to shower, if you don’t mind,” Victor said, grabbing his new clothes from one of the bags. “Help yourself to the food, of course.”

 

“Thanks,” Yuuri said awkwardly, and Victor smiled awkwardly, and everything was awkward and unnatural. They had never been awkward around each other, not even when they had first met. Victor disappeared into the bathroom, and Yuuri remembered his episode in the bathroom last night and felt embarrassed. And then his mind traveled to Victor, in his shower, and Yuuri had to stop himself before he got too carried away.

 

He got up and peeked in the bag of food Victor brought home. Yuuri’s stomach was still not too happy with him, so he settled for a plain croissant. After a few minutes Victor came out of the bathroom, his hair clinging to his face, and Yuuri couldn’t help the way his love for Victor gripped him.

 

“Ah, you’re eating!” Victor said, looking pleased at the half eaten croissant in Yuuri’s hand.

 

“Slowly,” Yuuri nodded. Victor started looking through the food himself. “I’m sorry, for yesterday, and last night,” Yuuri added quickly.

 

Victor looked back up at him. “It’s fine. It’s not like I hadn’t dealt with it before.”

 

Yuuri felt ashamed by Victor’s words, and Victor recognized it immediately. “I’m sorry!” he said at once. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not a bother to me. I’m sorry, I’m just….”

 

“It’s fine,” Yuuri said automatically, but he knew that Victor must hate putting up with Yuuri’s anxiety. Even before Yuuri had left, he had known that it must be hard on Victor to live with. “So…so what are you doing?”

 

Victor raised an eyebrow. “Well I was about to eat something.”

 

“No, I mean…I mean what are you doing here?”

 

Victor paused. “I don’t know, Yuuri. I don’t know what to think anymore. All this time I had believed that you must hate me for some reason, but now I’m not so sure.”

 

Yuuri felt the panic coming on again and tried to force it down. “I don’t hate you, Victor.”

 

Victor studied him. “I’m starting to believe you didn’t want to leave at all.”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “Please, don’t. Don’t start this.”

 

“Last night, you said you had been afraid ‘that night’” Victor continued. Yuuri’s heart sank. “What night, Yuuri?”

 

“Victor please, just go,” Yuuri said, feeling the tears threaten him.

 

“No, Yuuri,” Victor said firmly. “I’m not leaving you. And I’m not letting you leave, either. I’ve been sitting around for six months trying to understand. I let you run away, Yuuri. I let you run and I didn’t fight for you. I don’t know why. I guess I just believed that you didn’t love me anymore. But I know better, now. I’m sorry that I gave up on you, Yuuri. But I’m not giving up now. And I’m not leaving.”

 

The tears were flowing now, and Yuuri wanted Victor so badly. Victor seemed to sense this, somehow. Somehow, Victor had always known what Yuuri needed. Victor walked over and pulled Yuuri into his arms. Yuuri didn’t fight him. He couldn’t. He had wanted Victor to hold him for too long.

 

 He clung to Victor desperately, sobbing, realizing how badly he had needed Victor’s comfort all this time.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Yuuri! I’m home!” Victor sang as he pushed the door open. Despite however long or frustrating of a day he might have had, he was always happy to come home to Yuuri. Today had been an especially long day, and Yuri had insisted that they stay at the rink longer than Victor had planned. The kid was passionate, and Victor couldn’t blame him. He had been the same way when he was Yuri’s age._

_Makkachin jumped up on Victor. “Hey girl,” he said, patting her head. He looked around, but Yuuri was not in sight. Figuring Yuuri might be in their room, Victor made his way down the hall, but realized the bedroom light was off. Perhaps he was already asleep? Victor flicked the light on, but Yuuri was not in bed. Not only that, but the room looked different. Victor realized several of Yuuri’s things were missing._

_A piece of paper sitting on Victor’s pillow caught his attention. Slowly, he picked it up and read it._

“I don’t know, Yuri,” Victor sighed into his phone, standing on the tiny balcony of Yuuri’s apartment.

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Yuri snapped impatiently.

 

“I don’t know what’s going on with him,” Victor replied, trying to keep his voice quiet. Yuuri was asleep inside. “I’m honestly confused. At first, he seemed angry I was here, and I believed that it was true, that he really hadn’t wanted to be with me. But now…I’m not so sure. There’s something wrong. Something happened. But whatever it is, he won’t tell me. But he’s…he just seems so scared.”

 

Yuri was quiet on the other end for a few moments. “I’m not surprised,” he finally replied. “I knew that he loved you. I wanted to believe that he had just been an asshole and left you, but it just felt wrong.”

 

“I want to figure him out,” Victor said, staring out at the city in front of him. “I want to help. I want to understand. I don’t know what this means, for him, or me, or us. But…I can’t just leave him like this. He’s alone. And I know that’s what he wanted…or what he thought he wanted. But I can’t just leave things like this.”

 

“Then don’t,” Yuri replied. “Things are fine here. Makka is having fun over here, and I have Yakov and everyone else to help me with practices. Do what you need to do, Victor. And then drag his ass back here.”

 

“I’ll do my best,” Victor replied, smiling faintly.

 

Victor hung up with Yuri and went back inside the apartment. Yuuri was snoring softly on his bed, making Victor chuckle. Victor wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. He didn’t want to wake Yuuri up, but he didn’t want to just sit there and do nothing, either. Somehow he found himself tidying up Yuuri’s apartment, throwing away trash that had piled and trying to clear the dishes out of the sink. It made him sad to see that Yuuri had been living in such a way. Like he just didn’t care about anything. Once the tiny kitchen was cleaning, Victor opened up the little fridge and contemplated running to the store again for more food. However, Yuuri decided to finally wake up again, muttering a groggy, “Did you just clean my apartment?”

 

“Oh! A little, I was bored,” Victor said, shutting the fridge with a shrug. “How’s the hangover?”

 

“Ugh…better,” Yuuri sighed. Awkward silence again. Victor hated the awkward silences.

 

“So…what do you normally do for fun around here?” he asked.

 

Yuuri looked confused. “For fun?”

 

“Yeah,” Victor said slowly. “Where do you go? Do you have any friends you hang out with? Have you found a rink to practice at?”

 

Yuuri looked away. “No.”

 

“No…to all of it?” Yuuri hadn’t even been skating?

 

“No, I don’t go anywhere or do anything,” Yuuri replied. “I go to work and come home. It keeps me busy enough.”

 

“But…” Yuuri loved skating. “But what about all that practice you had been putting in? You aren’t even-?”

 

“No, Victor,” Yuuri cut him off.

 

Something in Yuuri’s voice told Victor he was treading on dangerous territory. He hated this. He hated that there was obviously some big thing that he didn’t understand or know about. He wanted to know what was going on in Yuuri’s head so badly, and yet he knew that he couldn’t push Yuuri. It was obviously something he was struggling with and he didn’t want to make it harder on him.

 

At the same time, he needed to understand if he was going to try and help.

 

He needed to understand for his own well-being.

 

“Yuuri,” he said, trying to think of the right words to say. “What…what do you need?”

 

“What do you mean?” Yuuri said, but Victor was sure he understood.

 

“It’s obvious that something has happened, or is bothering you,” Victor replied. “And I want to help. But I can’t, because I don’t know what it is or how to help. So, tell me. What do you need?”

 

Yuuri just stared at him. They stared at each other for a long time.

 

“Will you go for a walk with me?”

 

Such a simple request, but at least it was something.

 

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

The city was busy, people and cars everywhere. Yuuri didn’t seem to care. He was in his own world as they walked the streets silently. Eventually, they came to a large park, surprisingly green in the middle of the city. Yuuri seemed to relax a bit once they got there. “I like coming here,” he told Victor. “The city can feel so…crowded. Unnatural. But when I come here, I can sometimes feel like I’m in a different place.”

 

He led Victor to a bench and sat down. Victor sat down next to him, though kept enough space between them. “It’s nice,” he told Yuuri. “Makka would love it here.”

 

Yuuri smiled at the mention of Makkachin, though it quickly faded.

 

“Do you hate me, Victor?” Yuuri asked quietly.

 

Victor was surprised by the question, seemingly out of nowhere. “No! No, I don’t hate you, Yuuri.”

 

“Not even for leaving?”

 

Victor took a moment before speaking again. “I wanted to. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something I had done. You refused to see me or talk to me at all. I figured I must have done something that made you want to leave. I thought you must hate me.”

 

Yuuri wouldn’t look at him. “I’m sorry, Victor. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It…it wasn’t something you had done, I promise. I made the decision to leave because that’s all…it was the only thing I could do at the time. I knew it would hurt you, but I still left anyway.”

 

Again, Victor was frustrated and just wanted to understand. It was hard for him to not grab Yuuri by the shoulders and just demand that he tell him the truth.

 

“Do you regret it?” he asked instead.

 

Yuuri sighed. “Yes. No. Yes for some reasons, no for others. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it these past few months. I try to think about what would have happened if I stayed, but…I think I really needed to leave at the time.”

 

“And now?” Victor pushed him. “What about now?”

 

Yuuri laughed, though there was no humor in it. “Do you really want me to come back after what I did to you?”

 

“I just want to understand,” Victor said honestly. “I loved you so much, Yuuri, and I believe you loved me to. My life hasn’t been the same since you left. I don’t know if we could ever go back to the way things were before, but…but I want it. I need it. I need you.”

 

He grabbed Yuuri’s hand, and Yuuri finally looked at him. “What happened that night, Yuuri? What happened?  You left the rink and everything seemed fine, and then I came home and you were gone. What happened, Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, pulling his hand out of Victor’s grasp. “I can’t, Victor.”

 

“Did…did someone hurt you?” Victor asked, and the look the flashed across Yuuri’s face pretty much confirmed his fear.

 

“I- I can’t, Victor!” Yuuri said again, standing up and backing away.

 

“Yuuri please!” Victor jumped up, reaching for Yuuri again. “I can help you, Yuuri. I can-“

 

“You _can’t_ -“

 

“You can tell me anything, Yuuri, I promise!”

 

“ _I CAN’T_!” Yuuri screamed, causing people around them to look. “Please, Victor. Please stop. I c-can’t do this.” He was sobbing now.

 

“It’s okay, Yuuri,” Victor told him, pulling Yuuri into his arms. “I’m sorry. I just...I just want to help. But I promise you, you can tell me anything. I won’t get mad. I won’t think any differently of you.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“I do!” Victor pulled away, making Yuuri look him in the eye. “You can trust me, Yuuri. I flew across the continent without even bringing clothes to change into. I’m here for you, Yuuri. I’m here because I want to fix this. I want to fix us. And I’ll do whatever it takes. Because I love you.”

 

Yuuri dissolved into tears again, falling into Victor’s arms. They stood there awkwardly in the park, holding on to each other. People walked by and gave them disapproving looks, but Victor didn’t care. He would stand there as long as Yuuri needed.

 

“S-something did happen the night I left,” Yuuri whispered into Victor’s ear. Victor tensed, and tried to pull away, but Yuuri just held him tighter. “I never told anyone, Victor. I want to tell you. But…not here.”

 

“Okay,” Victor said, and suddenly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. “Let’s go back to the apartment.”

 

“C-can we stay like this a little longer?” Yuuri whispered, his head buried to Victor’s shoulder, and Victor could not say no to him.

 

“Of course,” he replied, stroking Yuuri’s hair in the middle of the city park, wondering how it had taken him this long to come and fight for Yuuri in the first place.

 

He had never stopped loving him, after all.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First: This chapter Yuuri tells Victor what happened to him. I'm sure most of you have figured it out, but as a warning, this chapter mentions assault and rape. Not in too great of detail, but if this is something that is triggering for you, please be warned. 
> 
> Second, there are a couple jumps between the past and present, with the past being in italics. I hope this is not confusing. 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

They arrived back at the apartment. Yuuri’s heart was beating quickly. He was scared. He wanted to talk about what had happened, and he didn’t want to talk about what had happened. He hadn’t said the words out loud, not to anyone. Not his family, not his friends. And now Victor had been there for 24 hours and Yuuri was already about to tell him everything. But it was Victor, after all. Yuuri had avoided him for a reason. Yuuri knew that as soon as he saw Victor he would crumble. Victor was different than anyone else. Victor was the person Yuuri told everything to. Victor was the person that made Yuuri feel safe. And he hadn’t felt safe for a long time.

 

Yuuri bustled around his apartment, making them tea, too nervous to sit still. He needed to gather the courage to be able to tell Victor what had happened. But Yuuri wasn’t sure if he ever would have enough courage to do so. Victor was quiet as Yuuri fussed over the teacups, and Yuuri was grateful for his patience. Victor had been waiting so long for an explanation, Yuuri knew that it must be killing him.

 

“Here,” Yuuri mumbled, handing him his tea, the cup shaking in Yuuri’s hands. Victor took the cup and sat it down. He then grabbed Yuuri’s hand and grasped it tightly. Yuuri offered him a half smile, letting Victor know he was thankful for his support. Yuuri went back to get his own tea before settling on the couch next to Victor. He took a deep breath, trying his best to calm himself. He was so, so scared. He had been doing his best to push what had happened out of his mind, trying to pretend it didn’t happen or it wasn’t what he thought it was. But saying it out loud meant that it had really happened. There would be no going back.

 

“I don’t know where to start,” Yuuri told Victor truthfully.

 

“Start wherever you need to.” Victor’s voice was soft, soothing, comforting. It helped him, just a little.

 

_“I’m not leaving until we get this right,” Yuri said defiantly, crossing his arms. Yuuri chuckled. They had already been at the rink since the early morning, and he knew that they were all pretty tired. But Yuri was Yuri, and once he got started on something there was no stopping him. Victor smiled apologetically at Yuuri._

_“It looks like I’m staying a bit late tonight,” he told Yuuri. “You’re going to have to go home without me.”_

_“Yes, Katsudon, run along now so we can get to work,” Yuri cut in._

_“Don’t stay too long,” Yuuri said warningly, to them both. “Know your limits. It’s not going to do you any good if you push too hard and hurt yourself.”_

_“Whatever,” Yuri huffed._

_“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Victor said, making Yuri scowl. “We won’t be too long.”_

_Victor leaned in to kiss Yuuri. It was quick, habitual. Yuuri said goodbye to them both, and headed towards the locker room to gather his things._

“It was the night you stayed late with Yuri at the rink,” Yuuri started, though he knew Victor had already known this. “I left without you. It was already pretty late. It was almost completely dark outside when I left.” His heart was hammering. He had to take a deep breath. Victor reached out for Yuuri’s hand and squeezed it.

 

_The air was cold as Yuuri departed the rink. He zipped up his jacket. He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to walk away, oblivious to the world around him as his mind was still on practice, on Yuri, on Victor._

_He was oblivious enough that he didn’t notice the men hanging around watching him, until he was right in front of them. He hadn’t even made it that far from the rink yet; it was still in eyesight._

“It was cold, and I was distracted by my own thoughts,” Yuuri continued, his voice a whisper. “I didn’t even see...I didn’t even see them at first.”

 

“Who?” Victor asked, his voice a whisper as well.

 

_Yuuri hadn’t remembered seeing these men before, and if he had, he hadn’t paid them any attention. They seemed interested in him, however. There were three men in total, and they stopped Yuuri in the middle of the sidewalk. By the time Yuuri realized what was happening, they had surrounded him._

_“Excuse me,” he told them in Russian, but they didn’t move. One of them laughed. They mocked him, squealing ‘excuse me!’ in a high pitched voice. Yuuri knew he was in trouble. He needed to retreat, get back to the rink, get back to Victor, who always kept him safe._

_The men said something else, but Yuuri couldn’t understand except for a few words. His Russian was still awful. But he knew that these men were not friendly. At the very least, they were hoping to mug him._

“I didn’t know them,” Yuuri told Victor. It was getting harder to talk. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to do this. “But there were three of them. They stopped me on the sidewalk. One was in front, and then one was behind, and there was another one off to the side. They were saying things to me, in Russian, but I couldn’t quite understand what they were saying. But I knew they were bad. I understood one word, and it was enough.”

 

_“гомосек.” Yuuri had heard that word before, and he didn’t like it. People in Russia were not very open to homosexuality, and he and Victor had faced harassment on more than one occasion. They knew that he was gay, and that was probably why they had targeted him._

_He had to try to run. And he did. He tried. But it was no good. He was outnumbered, and they were strong, and he was already tired from a long day of practice. Two of the men grabbed him, their grips so tight it ended up leaving bruises on Yuuri’s skin. He tried to pull away, he tried to yell, but no one else was around, and if they were, they didn’t care. They pulled him into the darkness of an alley._

Yuuri realized he was crying. Victor still had his hand, his thumb rubbing the top of Yuuri’s hand. He wasn’t sure if he could keep talking, but he was determined to try.

 

“I tried to fight them off, I tried to run, but I c-couldn’t,” Yuuri continued. “I was so close, Victor. I was so close to the rink, to you, but you might have well as been miles away. I tried to yell, and no one heard me. And then…and then they pulled out a gun. So I stopped shouting. I stopped shouting, I stopped fighting, because I was so scared. I-I thought they were g-going to kill me, so I stopped.”

 

“Yuuri,” Victor said, his voice high, and Yuuri pulled his hand away and hid his face in his hands. Yuuri couldn’t look at Victor. He couldn’t look at anything. But he couldn’t stop the words now, either. They were spilling out of him, after being trapped inside for so long.

 

“I just let them do it,” he continued, pulling his knees up to his chest. “I thought maybe if I just cooperated, they would let me live. And anything was better than dying. I really believed that. I let them do it, Victor, and I felt it, I felt everything. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, that it wasn’t real, but it was. I felt them p-pull down my pants-“

 

“Yuuri, you-“

 

“And I did nothing. I don’t even know how long I was there. I don’t think it was long, but it felt like forever. Like it would never end. And they were laughing. They were laughing at me. But I kept my eyes closed. And then, they left. One of them kicked me, and they left.”

 

Victor was silent. Yuuri was still afraid to look at him. “I didn’t know what to do,” Yuuri continued, between gasping for breath. “I was so…I was so scared. And confused. I couldn’t go back to the rink. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I didn’t want you too…I didn’t….” He shook his head. “I ran, Victor. I ran home, and I got my things, and I ran. I left you a note that said I was leaving you, because I needed to run. I needed to go far away from everyone, from everything. I didn’t know what else to do. I d-didn’t want you to touch me when I was….”

 

He shook his head again. He couldn’t do it anymore. He hadn’t even said the words, but he knew Victor understood exactly what had happened. His whole body was shaking, and it was hard to breathe. But he had said it, he had said enough, at least.

 

“Y-Yuuri, you need to breathe, love.” Victor’s voice was as shaky as his, and finally, Yuuri lifted his head and looked at Victor.

 

Victor was crying, too.

 

“Just breathe, okay,” Victor said, reaching out to him, but his hand fell short. Like he was afraid to touch him.

 

Yuuri took a few shaky breaths. He was exhausted. It had been an incredibly emotional 24 hours for him, and his energy was spent. But somehow, he didn’t feel as bad as he thought he would. He was sure after keeping his secret all this time, that telling someone would be excruciating. And although it had been, now that it was over and the words were out, Yuuri felt a little better. At least he wasn’t alone, anymore.

 

“Yuuri,” Victor said, and his voice broke Yuuri’s heart. Yuuri had never heard Victor’s voice hold so much pain before, not even in the voicemails he had left on Yuuri’s phone after Yuuri had left. “Yuuri, I’m…I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

 

Yuuri didn’t answer. He couldn’t find the words.

 

“You never…told anyone?” Victor asked, and Yuuri shook his head. “Did you go to a hospital? The police?” Yuuri shook his head again.

 

“I just ran,” Yuuri said again. “I’m sorry, Victor. I didn’t want to hurt you. But I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

“Don’t,” Victor said, and this time he did touch Yuuri, gently, caressing his cheeks, wiping the tears. “Don’t apologize, Yuuri. I wish I could have known, that I could have helped you. But don’t apologize. You did what you needed in that moment.”

 

“I felt so dirty, Victor,” Yuuri whispered. “I didn’t want you…I just let them, and I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve your love anymore.”

 

“Yuuri,” Victor sobbed, and he pulled Yuuri into his arms, and Yuuri let him. They sat on the couch like that, both of them crying, both of them holding on to each other for dear life. Victor’s arms felt so safe. And Yuuri hadn’t felt safe for a long time.

 

He soon drifted off to sleep, his head on Victor’s chest, Victor’s soft words comforting him into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Yuuri eventually fell asleep in his arms, his sniffles turning into long, steady breaths. For Victor, sleep did not come as easily. He was feeling so many emotions at the same time, and he wasn’t sure of what to do. He felt angry at the men who had hurt Yuuri. He was angry with himself for not trying harder to find out what had happened. He was also overwhelmingly sad. Sad that Yuuri had to experience what he did. Sad that Yuuri had been alone this whole time, trying to deal with this on his own. And to think that Yuuri felt like he didn’t deserve love after what had happened to him…no one deserved to have something like that happen to them. Especially not someone as kind as Yuuri.

 

Victor wasn’t sure where they were going to go from here. The only thing that he was certain of was that he did not want to leave Yuuri. There was no way that he could leave him alone again. But he wasn’t exactly sure what Yuuri needed, either. There was still a lot for them to talk about, and to try to understand.

 

Victor lay awake for hours, his mind buzzing, until eventually, he started to drift off to sleep as well, Yuuri’s head still on his chest. However, his sleep was short lived. He was awoken an hour after he fell asleep by Yuuri, who was trembling and muttering in his sleep. Realizing he must be having some sort of bad dream, Victor gently tried to nudge him awake.

 

“Yuuri,” he said, stroking his hair.

 

Yuuri seemed to be getting more agitated, his head thrashing from side to side. “Yuuri!” Victor said, louder this time. “It’s okay, Yuuri! You need to wake up!”

 

Victor shook Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri’s arm flailed, nearly punching Victor in the face, and finally Yuuri was awake, nearly falling off the couch. Victor caught him, and Yuuri struggled for a moment, before finally realizing where he was. Victor held him until he calmed, singing to him softly a song from his childhood, remembering the way it had calmed him when he was upset.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri apologized, after they had laid there for a few minutes. “I-I didn’t mean to wake up.”

 

“It’s fine, love,” Victor said, stroking Yuuri’s hair. “Are you feeling better?”

 

Yuuri nodded. “I have bad dreams a lot.”

 

“That’s understandable,” Victor replied, though it hurt him to imagine Yuuri reliving his experiences, and all those times he had to wake up alone. “Do you need anything?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “Having you here is all I could ask for.”

 

Victor couldn’t stop himself from feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt. Such an awful thing had happened to the man he loved, and he hadn’t been able to do one thing to help him or protect him. On top of that, Yuuri had been alone all this time, and Victor had really believed that Yuuri had simply stopped loving him. He had hoped that wasn’t true, but he should have known. He should have never doubted Yuuri’s love for him. He should have been there for him all this time.

 

“Victor?”

 

Victor had thought Yuuri had fallen asleep again, but he hadn’t. “Hm?”

 

“Are you going to leave?”

 

Yuuri sounded so scared. “Is that what you want?” Victor asked him.

 

“No!” Yuuri said at once.

 

“Then no, Yuuri. I will not leave.”

 

Yuuri got quiet again for a moment. “Do you want me to go back to Russia with you?”

 

“I don’t want you to do anything except what you want, Yuuri,” Victor replied. “If you want to go back, we can. If you want to stay here, we can. We can go to Hasetsu. We can go anywhere in the world.”

 

Yuuri sat up to look at him. “I don’t understand. I left you for all this time, without any explanation, and yet you are willing to drop everything for me like nothing ever happened.”

 

Victor smiled sadly at him. “That’s because I love you, Yuuri. I never stopped loving you.”

 

“I don’t know if I’m the same anymore,” Yuuri whispered.

 

“That won’t stop me from loving you, Yuuri,” Victor said, and Yuuri’s eyes watered at his words.

 

“I just wish I could return things to how they used to be,” Yuuri said, looking down. “I want to feel normal again. I miss my friends and family. I miss my old life. I miss being with you. But I feel like…I don’t know how to do those things anymore. I don’t remember how to be that person.”

 

Victor reached out, putting his hand under Yuuri’s chin, raising Yuuri’s eyes to his. “We will learn, then. We will learn together, a step at a time. No matter how hard, or how scary. I will be there every step of the way. Okay?”

 

Yuuri nodded, the tears now streaming down his face. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For listening to me. For being so kind. For coming all this way. You had every right to be angry and hurt for what I did. But you came. All this time I knew that I needed you, but I was so afraid. I just…I just don’t want to bring you down.”

 

“You could never do that, Yuuri,” Victor said, his voice firm. “No matter what happens. You do the opposite to me. You are the light of my life, love.”

 

Yuuri lay back down, his head on Victor’s chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth sooner. I thought it would be easier to never tell you. I knew in my heart that you would be supportive and understanding, but…I didn’t want you to have that burden. I’m sorry if you ever believed that I didn’t love you, Victor. I have always loved you, and always will.”

 

Victor kissed the top of Yuuri’s head. “Don’t apologize anymore, Yuuri. You don’t need to. But if it helps you to hear it, it’s okay, Yuuri. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Victor woke up, Yuuri was already awake, the smell of coffee filling the apartment. Victor sat up, surprised that he had been in such a deep sleep that he had not felt or heard Yuuri get up. Yuuri smiled at him. “Good morning,” he said, holding up a cup. “The coffee just finished.”

 

They drank their coffee in silence, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. There was a lot of Victor’s mind, and he was sure there was a lot on Yuuri’s, as well. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Victor was tired, despite the sleep he got.

 

“I’m afraid to go back to Russia,” Yuuri admitted, looking down at the coffee mug in his hands.

 

Victor nodded. “I can understand that.”

 

“But I also don’t exactly want to stay here,” Yuuri continued, looking around the apartment. “And I’m not so sure that I want to go stay with my family, either. I know that they will all want an explanation, and I’m not sure that I’m ready to give it to them.” Yuuri sighed. “I moved here because I needed to escape everything. But I don’t exactly have fond memories here. And your life is in Russia.”

 

“My life is with you,” Victor corrected him.

 

Yuuri offered him a half smile. “I think…I think what I want is to go back there, with you. My heart wants it. I miss our life. They life we had been building together. But I’m not sure…it might be hard for me.”

 

“Like I said before, Yuuri, I will go wherever you want,” Victor told him, reaching for his hand. “If what you want is to go to Russia, then we can. And I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. But if it is too hard for you, then I will understand. And you don’t have to make the decision now.”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “But I feel like I do. For you, what…what happened to me is new. But it’s not new to me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to put my life back together for months. And I couldn’t, because…well, because you were not in my life. But now that you are here, it’s different. Maybe, it’s because you make me feel safe. All I’ve been doing, Victor, is trying to survive. I want to start living again. I feel like telling you was the first step in that.”

 

“I don’t want you to push yourself, love,” Victor told him. “Perhaps we could take a few more days to try and think about it.”

 

“I think I want to go to Russia with you,” Yuuri said again. His voice was stronger. “I think this is what I need to do. I think this is how I can start to put my life back together.”

 

Victor wasn’t exactly sure what to think. He wanted to protect Yuuri. He felt like taking Yuuri back to the place where he was hurt would be bad. But he also knew that only Yuuri could make those decisions for himself. The only thing that Victor could do was support him and help him feel safe.

 

“If that’s what you want Yuuri, then that’s what we will do.”

 

Yuuri nodded. “But first, I want to go back to Hasetsu, to let my family know what I am doing. I don’t…I don’t know if I will tell them what happened. But I at least want to apologize to them and let them know that I will be okay.”

 

Victor smiled. He was always amazed by Yuuri, ever since he had first met him. One of the many reasons he had fallen in love with Yuuri was the fact that Yuuri cared so deeply for those around him. He could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Yuuri to close himself off for all this time. The fact that the Yuuri who cared about others was still there, despite the terrible things that had happened to him, made Victor want to love and protect Yuuri even more.

 

“Let’s go to Hasetsu, then.”


	7. Chapter 7

Yuuri watched out the window of the train as the scenery passed by. Victor was staring down at his phone, letting Yuuri be. Yuuri was grateful for the way that Victor had been handling everything. He hadn’t been sure exactly how Victor was going to react to what had happened, but Victor had, so far, been nothing but supportive and gentle. Yuuri could not help but feel guilty for everything he had put Victor through. He was still amazed that Victor was there at all, and still willing to do anything and everything for him. Yuuri didn’t feel that he deserved it, but he was thankful for it nonetheless.

 

He was worried about facing his family. He had barely given them any explanations since he left Victor. When he had left Russia, he had gone straight home to Hasetsu and locked himself in his room for several days, before leaving to Tokyo. All he had told his family is that he and Victor had broken up, that it wasn’t Victor’s fault, and that he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. His family had let him be for the most part, and in that moment, that was what he had wanted. But now, he realized, he owed them an explanation. He owed them an apology. He knew that they had been worried about him, after all. Even Yuuko had mentioned it in her emails.

 

When they finally arrived in Hasetsu, Yuuri realized how nervous he was. He hadn’t faced his family since he had run away to Tokyo, and he was afraid to face them now. He was afraid they would be angry, or disappointed in him. He was afraid that they’d want to know the truth. He was afraid that he would end up telling them the truth.

 

Yuuri felt Victor take his hand and squeeze it. Yuuri looked at him, and Victor smiled. Yuuri tried to smile back. At least he wouldn’t be alone.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuuri!” His mother almost knocked him over with her hug, squeezing him tightly. He hugged her back, and it was comforting. She pulled away and realized that Victor was standing awkwardly behind him. “Oh! And Vicchan is here as well!”

 

“Hello!” Victor said with an awkward wave.

 

“Did you two finally kiss and make up?” Mari’s voice came from behind Hiroko. Yuuri looked around his mother and saw Mari sitting at the table, a little smirk on her face.

 

“Yuuri is home!” his father suddenly yelled. Yuuri could feel himself becoming overwhelmed, and look a deep breath to try and calm himself.

 

“Yes, I’m home,” he told them. “And….” He looked at Victor. “I’m going back to St. Petersburg with Victor.”

 

“I’m so happy that you worked things out,” Hiroko said, patting Yuuri’s shoulder. “I will make you Katsudon tonight to celebrate!” She gave Victor a hug as well.

 

“So, what’s the deal?” Mari asked as Yuuri and Victor sat down with her at the table. “You go away for 6 months and suddenly you are back together?”

 

Yuuri squirmed uncomfortably. “We just needed to talk, and I just needed to let it happen. I was….I was just being stubborn.”

 

Mari chuckled. “That sounds like you alright,” she said. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m happy you two worked it out. I’m surprised it took this long, but happy nonetheless.”

 

Yuuri’s heart was hammering, even though nothing had happened. Victor sensed his unease and took over the conversation, changing the subject and asking Mari how things had been running at the onsen. Yuuri was grateful for the distraction, though Mari kept shooting him looks.

 

After a delicious meal from his mother, Yuuri decided to relax in the onsen for a bit. The water helped relax his tense muscles. Though no one had pushed him or asked him any questions, Yuuri was extremely tense. Though living in Tokyo had been lonely, he had at least been able to hide away from facing people. Though he knew that he had to face everyone sooner or later, it didn’t make it easy. Now that he had quit his job and left his apartment back in Tokyo, he realized that he couldn’t hide anymore. He was really doing this.

 

He was going to have to start facing what had happened to him.

 

He knew that he had to face it in order to try and deal with hit, but he was still scared.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri jumped. He had been alone in the onsen and had not heard Victor come up to him. Victor had a towel around his waist, and was looking rather apprehensive.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes,” Yuuri said automatically, though he looked away from Victor.

 

“Is it…okay if I join you?”

 

it seemed weird, that Victor had to ask permission. He hated how careful they had been around each other. He understood why, and he was grateful for it. But at the same time, it upset him. He just wanted normalcy back, after all.

 

“Of course.”

 

Victor got into the water, and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at the look of glee that passed on Victor’s face. “It’s so nice,” Victor cooed, and Yuuri chuckled. Victor smiled at Yuuri’s reaction, though the smile slid from his face.

 

“Are you sure you are okay?” he asked, scrunching his eyebrows in concern.

 

Yuuri looked away, staring at the water’s surface. “I’m not,” he admitted. “But I’m trying. It’s just…a lot. A lot is happening, and it scares me. I’m afraid I’m not ready.”

 

“Ready for what?” Victor asked.

 

Yuuri thought about it. “To live again.”

 

Victor cocked his head. “What can I do?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “You’re already doing it. All I need you to do is be here. And you’ve been amazing Victor. I…I can’t thank you enough. I know this all has to be so hard on you, too.”

 

“I’m afraid, too,” Victor admitted, and Yuuri looked back at him. “You’re right, everything that’s been happening, it is a lot. And it’s happening quickly. It scares me. I’m scared I won’t be able to help you, to protect you. But I’m glad that I have been helping you, Yuuri. You don’t need to thank me. I want to be here.”

 

Yuuri smiled. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he wanted Victor to be there, as well.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor was asleep, snoring softly from the bundle of blankets on the bed. But Yuuri was awake. He had tried to fall asleep, only to be woken by his own fear as his nightmare began to take over. Often at night he found himself back in that alley, with those men. The dream wasn’t always the same, but it was always terrifying. Luckily, today he had woken up quicker than he normally did. He hadn’t even woken Victor.

 

Tired, but knowing that he wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon, Yuuri wandered out of their room and decided to try and make some tea. But he apparently was not the only one who had had the idea.

 

“Can’t sleep?” Mari said tiredly, a tea cup in hand, a cigarette in the other.

 

“Yeah,” Yuuri sighed, sitting down with her.

 

“No running off to the ice castle?” Mari asked, and Yuuri’s heart dropped at the words.

 

He hadn’t skated once since that day.

 

He couldn’t, for some reason. Just the idea of skating sent a wave of fear over him, though it didn’t make any sense.

 

“No,” he answered, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

Mari drank her tea, her tired eyes watching him. He felt like she was trying to look right into his mind. It made uncomfortable, knowing that Mari knew him better than pretty much anyone, and there was a good chance that she _could_ look right into his mind.

 

“When you first came here, after Russia, I assumed that Victor must have done something,” Mari finally said. “Even though you said he hadn’t, I figured that he must have. But then Victor called. And then he showed up here, and he was so distraught, and you refused to talk to him or anyone else. And then you just left. I realized it must have been something more than just a fight between you two. You run away when you are scared or hurt. At least, that’s what you’ve done in the past.” She sipped her tea, and Yuuri was silent. “You can talk to me, Yuuri. I hope you know that. I’m glad you are at least talking to Victor again, but know that I’m here, too.”

 

Yuuri fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt. He waited a few more moments before responding, trying to think of the words to say.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, still not looking at her. “I’m sorry for what I did and the way I cut you out. I didn’t want to. I just…I needed to be alone for a while. Something...something did happen, in Russia. It wasn’t Victor’s fault. He wasn’t even there. He had no idea.” His heart hammered, his throat was tight. “I didn’t know what to do or how to tell anyone, so I ran. I ran and I hid. I didn’t know what else to do. I wish I hadn’t hurt so many people in the process, but… but I did. I’m sorry.”

 

Mari was quiet. Yuuri heard her sip her tea.

 

“You don’t have to apologize, at least not to me,” she said. “I know you had your reasons. Are you…are you okay, though?”

 

Yuuri bit his lip. “Not…not really. B-but I hope that I will be soon.”

 

Goddamn, the tears were coming again. How much had he cried this past week? He hadn’t even actually told Mari what had happened, and yet he was crying again.

 

And suddenly she was there, holding him, ruffling his hair like he was still a kid. He wanted to tell her the truth, tell her everything. He knew that she would be angry. She’d probably buy a ticket to St. Petersburg and hunt those men down herself. She had always stuck up for him when he was little and bullies tried to bother him.

 

But he couldn’t tell her. Not yet at least.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, finally pulling away from her, after a few minutes of them sitting there together in silence.

 

“Don’t apologize, kid,” she said, offering a smile, though she looked concerned. “Just take care of yourself, okay? And know that I’m here when you need me. We’re all here, Yuuri.”

 

He nodded, again reminded about how many people loved him unconditionally, and wondering what he had ever done to deserve it.

 

“Thank you, Mari.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, guys! I've been quite busy! 
> 
> I feel like I still have a lot to tell for this story, so I do not see it ending any time soon. It's rather slowly- paced compared to other things I have written, but I feel like it has to be. 
> 
> I hope you are enjoying it nonetheless. Please feel free to comment and let me know! Sometime I start to doubt myself and my writing, (one of the many reasons I can relate to Yuuri) but hearing from you guys always makes my day. Even if its something I need to work on, I'm happy to learn from it! 
> 
> The next part of the story will focus on Yuuri going back to St. Petersburg, and everything that comes along with that. 
> 
> Thanks again for your support, as always <3


	8. Chapter 8

Yuuri was still asleep when Victor woke up. Yuuri’s sleep seemed peaceful, and Victor was glad. He studied Yuuri’s face, noticing the little differences. Yuuri looked older than he had just 6 months ago. He looked tired, even when asleep. It made Victor sad. He could only imagine the kind of life Yuuri had been living the last few months. He was determined to try and help make it better. He was nervous, though. He had never been in this situation before, and he was afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. He still believed that Yuuri should stay in Hasetsu a bit longer, but for some reason, Yuuri was determined to go back to Russia. Victor wanted to support Yuuri in any way he could. But he hoped his support would be enough.

 

Deciding it was best to let Yuuri sleep, Victor got up in search of some coffee. He met Mari in the kitchen, already getting some coffee for herself.

 

“Morning,” she said with a yawn.

 

“Good morning,” he replied, still feeling a little uncertain around Yuuri’s family. Though they had never turned him away or been unkind to him, Victor felt like he needed to regain their trust again.

 

“Yuuri still asleep?” Mari asked, and Victor nodded. “That’s good. He was up pretty late. I was too,” she added, yawning again, “but unfortunately I have work to get to.”

 

“Anything I can help with?” Victor offered.

 

She smiled. “Nah, I got it. But…well, there is one thing you can help me with.”

 

“Sure,” Victor said. “What is it?”

 

Mari sat her coffee cup down. “Just take care of Yuuri, okay? I’m not sure what exactly happened, and he isn’t ready to tell me. And that’s okay. He knows he can talk to me whenever he wants to. But I worry about him. He’s a good kid, but he doesn’t always take care of himself. I know he’s an adult and all now, but he’s still my little brother.” She smiled fondly. “Just take care of him, okay?”

 

Her words made Victor feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. But, he did his best to keep the guilt off his face. He hadn’t been taking care of Yuuri, after all. Terrible things had happened to Yuuri, and Victor hadn’t been there to protect him, or to help pick up the pieces afterwards.

 

But at least he was there now. “I promise that I will,” he told her, his voice firm, and she seemed satisfied. And he wasn’t planning on breaking that promise ever again.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor could tell that Yuuri was nervous as they said goodbye to his family. He avoided making much eye contact or even saying very much as he hugged them goodbye. Victor said his goodbyes to them as well, promising to take good care of Yuuri and keep in touch with them. Mari gave him a knowing smile, and he returned it.

 

Yuuri stayed quiet during their trip to the airport and even as they waited for their flight. They still had hours of flying and waiting ahead of them. Victor took Yuuri’s hand in his, and Yuuri looked at him and smiled. Yuuri squeezed his hand, but still didn’t say anything. Victor was starting to learn that sometimes words were hard for Yuuri. So instead of asking Yuuri questions or trying to force him to talk, he’d simply take Yuuri’s hand in his to let him know he was there. It seemed to help Yuuri, at least a little.

 

As they waited to board their flight, Victor pulled out his phone and sent a message to Yuri. He had barely spoken to Yuri since he arrived in Japan, even though Yuri had been blowing up his phone, wondering what was going on.

 

_Hey Yuri, we are on our way home now. I will let you know when we should be back in Russia, though I probably won’t be by to get Makka until tomorrow since it will be late._

A minute later:

 

_Wait WE? He’s actually coming with you? WTF you didn’t even tell me what was going on??_

_Yes, Yuuri is coming. I can’t really explain what has happened, but all you need to know is Yuuri is coming back. And everything will be fine._

_So after 6 months you guys are just back together and he’s moving back to Russia with you? Okay then. Whatever. I’m coming over tomorrow._

Victor sighed. Yuri was going to be hard to deal with. Though he wouldn’t admit it, Victor knew that Yuri had been upset when Yuuri had left. The two of them had gotten rather close, and Yuri didn’t get close with people very often. Victor could only hope that Yuri would try to be understanding without knowing the situation.

 

* * *

 

 

It was late when their plane landed in St. Petersburg. Victor had dozed during the flight, but it seemed that Yuuri had been wide awake the whole time. Yuuri’s face was pale, though he forced a smile when Victor asked him if he was feeling okay. As soon as they were off the plane and in the airport, Yuuri ran for the bathroom. Though he told Victor not to follow, Victor did, dragging Yuuri’s suitcase behind him.

 

Yuuri was leaning on the sink, his hands gripping the sink tightly. “Yuuri,” Victor said softly, but Yuuri didn’t move. Yuuri’s head was down, and Victor could tell he was trying to calm his breathing. He put his hand on Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri tensed at his touch, but after a few moments, he relaxed. “Deep breaths,” Victor told him, hoping his voice sounded calm. This is what he had been afraid of. They had been in St. Petersburg for five minutes and Yuuri was already panicking.

 

After a few minutes, Yuuri’s breathing seemed calmer. He turned and looked at Victor. There was sweat on his face. “I’m sorry,” he said, putting his forehead on Victor’s chest. Victor sighed, putting his arms around Yuuri.

 

“It’s okay,” he told Yuuri. “You’re safe here with me, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri nodded. “I know. I’ll be okay. We can go.”

 

Victor kept Yuuri’s hand in his as they made their way out of the airport and into a waiting cab. The ride back to his flat wasn’t too long. Yuuri’s grip was tight on his hand, but he seemed to be holding it together. Once they were home and out of the cab, Yuuri looked up at their apartment building with a little smile on his face. Victor led the way to the door, letting them inside.

 

“Welcome home,” he told Yuuri, turning on the light so they could see.

 

Yuuri looked around, taking everything in. “It looks the same.”

 

Victor chuckled. “I’m a creature of habit. I don’t really change things around.”

 

Yuuri smiled. “Where’s Makkachin?”

 

“Yuri has her. He’ll bring her home in the morning.” He took Yuuri’s coat and hung it up for him.

 

“Yuri,” Yuuri said, looking down. “I haven’t talked to him in so long.”

 

“That’s okay,” Victor replied. “He will be fine. You know Yuri. He loves you.”

 

Yuuri smiled weakly. “There’s… there’s a lot that I need to do. And say.” He looked down again. “I don’t know…Victor I’m scared.”

 

“Yuuri.” Victor took Yuuri in his arms again. “It will be okay, love. You don’t have to rush anything, okay? We’re just going to take things one day at a time. Right now all you have to worry about it getting some sleep, because we had a long day, and I know I’m exhausted.”

 

“Okay,” Yuuri said, sniffling in Victor’s arms. “I am tired.”

 

Victor kissed the top of his head. “Let’s go to bed, love.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri jumped at the knock on the door. “I’ll get it!” Victor said at once, knowing it was Yuri with Makkachin. Yuuri stayed seated on the couch, looking nervous. Victor opened the door and pushed his way outside, shutting it before Yuri had a chance to even say hello.

 

“What the-?” Yuri said, backing out of the way. Makkachin jumped excitedly on Victor. Victor hugged her back.

 

“Sorry, Yuri, I just wanted to talk to you quickly,” Victor said. “I know you probably have a lot of questions.”

 

“Well, yeah,” Yuri said, narrowing his eyes.

 

“Just…” Victor sighed. “I just need you to refrain from asking them. For now, at least.”

 

“Why is that?” Yuri asked, crossing his arms.

 

“Because a lot has happened Yuri,” Victor said firmly. “Yuuri is…” He sighed in frustration. “You just need to be careful, Yuri. Don’t ask him questions. Please.”

 

Yuri studied him. “Now you are making me worry.”

 

“It’s fine,” Victor said at once. “Everything will be fine. Just do as I say, okay? Please?”

 

“Okay, fine, whatever, can we get inside now?” Yuri said impatiently. Hoping for the best, Victor opened the door and let them inside.

 

Makkachin ran to Yuuri, her tail wagging excitedly. Yuuri’s face lit up at the sight of her, and he buried his face in her fur, hugging her tightly.

 

“Uh…hey, Katsudon,” Yuri said awkwardly. Yuuri looked up. He smiled at Yuri.

 

“Hey, Yuri.”

 

There was an awkward silence. “Yuri? Do you want something to drink?” Victor asked, feeling stupid.

 

“Nah,” Yuri said, plopping down in a chair. “So, what’s new? How have you been, Katsudon?”

 

“I’ve been okay,” Yuuri said, glancing at Victor. “How have things been going for you?”

 

Yuri shrugged. “Same as always. Yakov’s been working me like crazy since Victor’s been gone. I’m actually glad you are back, old man. I forgot how ridiculous Yakov was as a coach.”

 

“He’s a good coach and you know it,” Victor replied, sitting next to Yuuri on the couch.

 

“Still, I’m glad you are back.” Yuri looked at his phone. “What about you, Katsudon? Have you been skating?”

 

Yuuri shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, no. I haven’t.”

 

Yuri looked up. “No? Not at all? What the hell?”

 

“Yuri,” Victor said sharply.

 

Yuri glanced at him, and then back at his phone. “Fine, you don’t care about skating anymore. Whatever.”

 

Yuuri was trembling. Goddammit, this was exactly what Victor had been worried about. “Yuuri,” he said quietly, grabbing Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri shook his head, biting his lip.

 

“I care,” he whispered.

 

“I know,” Victor said soothingly. He rubbed the top of Yuuri’s hand. He looked back at Yuri, who was watching them, looking confused.

 

“Uh, maybe I should go,” Yuri said uncertainly, standing up. “Victor, let me know when you are coming to the rink and I’ll be there. And Katsudon…I’m glad you’re back.”

 

Yuuri didn’t look up at him. “Thank you, Yuri, for taking care of Makka while I was away,” Victor said to him. “And I will text you and let you know the plan.”

 

Yuri just nodded, still looking confused, and left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your comments, guys! I'm happy that you have enjoyed the story this far. I hope that you've enjoyed this chapter, as well. 
> 
> Yuri and Yuuri's relationship is one of my favorites to write, and I look forward to focusing a bit on that in the next couple chapters. 
> 
> As always, I love hearing from you guys! 
> 
> Thank you for your support <3


	9. Chapter 9

For the next couple days, Victor and Yuuri stayed at home together. Yuuri found himself fitting back into the apartment quite easily; it was sort of as if he’d never left. A lot of his things still remained that he had left behind before, and it was kind of nice to be back. He had never felt very at home in Tokyo; he hadn’t even really tried to make his apartment a home. It was just his hideaway. Being back in Victor’s apartment felt right, and Yuuri realized that he felt good there. The night of his attack was still there in his mind, but somehow, the apartment still felt safe. Perhaps it was all the good memories he shared there. Perhaps it was because the apartment was Victor’s and Victor also helped him feel safe. Nonetheless, Yuuri was happy to be there. Not even Hasetsu had given him the same comfort.

 

However, leaving the apartment was a whole other issue.

 

Yuuri knew that it was irrational. He couldn’t live inside forever, after all. But he couldn’t help but think about those men who had hurt him. They could be anywhere. They might not even be in St. Petersburg anymore, but Yuuri didn’t care. Building trust and feeling safe outside the walls of their apartment would take time. Victor, thankfully, seemed to understand this. The first few days they were back, Victor stayed in with Yuuri. The ordered take out and hung out at home with Makkachin, and it was rather nice. Things were starting to get a little less awkward between them, and Yuuri was grateful for it. Victor caught Yuuri up on things that had been happening, with him, with their friends, and in the skating community.

 

Skating.

 

Skating had been such a big part of Yuuri’s life. And for some reason, skating brought him an enormous amount of anxiety. Even talking about, or just thinking about it made his heart hammer. He couldn’t control it. At the same time, though, he missed it. He missed being on the ice, and the way he had been able to skate through his feelings, his doubts. Skating had been therapeutic for him, before. And now, it was the complete opposite.

 

And unfortunately, skating was a part of his life he couldn’t forget.

 

On the third day back in town, they had been sitting on the couch, watching a movie when Victor’s phone went off yet again. Victor sighed, reading the message, and putting the phone back down. Yuuri looked at him, eyebrow raised.

 

“It’s Yuri,” Victor told him. “He wants to get back to practicing.”

 

“Oh.” Of course. Victor was Yuri’s coach now, after all. “Then…then you should probably get back to practicing with him. It’s already been what…two weeks since you left?”

 

“Yeah,” Victor sighed, looking uncertain. “I just…I don’t….” Victor didn’t finish, but Yuuri knew what he was trying to say. He didn’t want to leave Yuuri.

 

“It’s okay, Victor,” Yuuri told him, sounding braver than he felt. “Life goes on. You can’t just stop practicing with Yuri because I’m here.”

 

Victor put his chin in his hand. “What about you, Yuuri? What are you going to do? Will you be okay here by yourself?”

 

Yuuri nodded. “I have Makka,” he said, patting the dog’s head. “And I feel safe here. I’d feel better if I knew you weren’t neglecting your job for my sake.”

 

Victor smiled at him. “Alright, then. If you’re sure. I’ll tell Yuri we can practice in the morning.”

 

Yuuri smiled back.

 

Everything would be fine. Life was moving forward. Things were going to be normal, again.

 

* * *

 

“You can call me or text me. I’ll keep my phone on me.”

 

“Okay, Victor.”

 

“You can call Yakov too, if needed. Or Mila, or Yuri. You still have everyone’s number?”

 

“Yes, Victor.”

 

Victor sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be overbearing or anything.”

 

“I know,” Yuuri told him with a smile. “I appreciate it, I really do. But I’ll be okay.”

 

Victor still looked uncertain. “I’ll come back around lunch, and we can order something. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Yuuri smiled. He realized how strange it was, for Victor to be going to practice and Yuuri to not be going along. “Have fun. Tell…tell Yuri I say hi.”

 

Victor finally left, leaving Yuuri alone with Makkachin, who was sleeping. The flat felt so empty. Before Yuuri could think too much on it, he busied himself making some tea. After that, he pulled up his laptop. He had avoided the internet much of the time he was in Tokyo, deleting his old accounts. But, now that he was back, he figured he should at least reactivate his social media accounts. One thing he really wanted was to start trying to rebuild his relationships. His relationship with Victor wasn’t the only one he had ended, after all. He had stopped talking to pretty much everyone. He wasn’t even sure how many of his friends would be willing to forgive him for dropping out of their lives.

 

He opened his Instagram account and started scrolling through the photos. It brought a small smile to his face, seeing his friends he hadn’t seen in months. He came across Yuri in a picture of Mila’s. They were at the rink together, Mila giving a peace sign as Yuri scowled. Though the picture made him smile, it also made him a little sad. Life had gone on without him.

 

He felt bad for the way he had reacted when Yuri had visited the other day. Before he had left St. Petersburg, he had started to spend a lot of time with Yuri, and not just at the rink. Yuri was as stubborn and angry as always, but he had also begun to show a different side of himself. Not all the time, but sometimes, Yuri would let his guard down. Underneath his tough exterior he was just a kid, after all. He was a kid who struggled with his emotions. He was guarded, which made opening up and trusting others hard for him. Yuuri had understood that. He had actually gotten quite protective of Yuri. The kid was like a little brother to him. Though sometimes, it was hard to tell that Yuri was that young, at all.

 

Yuri had been angry when he had left. He had sent Yuuri many messages. There were many angry words, many swear words, and Yuuri hadn’t replied to any of them. Eventually, Yuri had given up. But Yuuri still remembered his last message.

 

_Fine. If you don’t want to talk to me, fine. I guess I was wrong about you._

Even today, it made Yuuri feel guilty. Yuri had trusted him, and it hadn’t been easy to gain that trust. And Yuuri had thrown it all away.

 

Yuuri looked out the window. He needed to fix things. He needed to fix things with Yuri. He had begun working on it with Victor, and his family. But he had barely spoken two words to Yuri. Yuri deserved more than that.

 

He couldn’t hide forever, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri has reminded of how cold Russia could be. As soon as he stepped outside the apartment, he was hit with a burst of icy air. Yuuri pulled his hat down over his ears, wanting to go back inside. But he couldn’t. He needed to do this.

 

The rink wasn’t far. Only a few minutes to walk. He could do that.

 

The path was familiar. Everything still looked the same.

 

He could do this. He was just walking. Just walking.

 

His hands were in his pocket, balled into fists.

 

He tried not to think. He was just taking a walk. Nothing more.

 

Walking to the rink.

 

Walking right through to the rink.

 

Right back where those men had been.

 

“No,” he told himself, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. No, no no. He couldn’t think about it. He wouldn’t. He should be able to walk to the rink without worrying. He should be allowed to walk without fear. He shouldn’t have to be afraid of the monsters crawling throughout the city.

 

He had to fix things. He couldn’t wait around for things to fix themselves, anymore.

 

But he was so scared.

 

He was so, so scared.

 

He was just a block away. He could almost see the rink.

 

He could see the alley.

 

He couldn’t do it.

 

Why had he thought he could?

 

He was stupid, so stupid.

 

He was weak.

 

He wanted to run. He wanted to run far, far away.

 

But he couldn’t move.

 

He pulled out his phone, his hands shaking so bad that he almost dropped it.

 

He called Victor.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor was distracted.

 

They had barely been at the rink thirty minutes, and he couldn’t get his brain to focus. He had said hello to his fellow rink mates. Yakov had given him an earful for leaving. But none of it really affected him. He was too busy, wondering how Yuuri was doing. It was hard, to not be able to explain to the others what had happened. They all wanted to know, to understand, but he couldn’t explain it. He hoped that they trusted him enough to know that it wasn’t just a joke. It hadn’t been a silly fight. He didn’t want them to think that his relationship with Yuuri was like that. Because it was so much more.

 

Yuri was warming up beside him. Yuri had barely spoken to him. He was angry. He felt left out, and he was hurt. Victor understood that. He would have felt the same way. So he didn’t comment on it. He was too distracted, anyway.

 

His phone went off.

 

Yuuri was calling him.

 

“Really Victor?” Yuri scoffed, but Victor ignored him.

 

“Yuuri?” he said, answering the phone. “Are you okay?”

 

“V-ViVi-“ Yuuri couldn’t even say his name.

 

“Yuuri what happened?” he asked, turning away from the others. “Yuuri?”

 

“Vi-Vi-Victor,” Yuuri managed to say. Victor could swear he heard cars in the background.

 

“Where are you?” he asked.

 

Yuuri was gasping. “I-I can’t,” he said. “I t-tried to come, to see Y-Yuri, and I c-can’t.”

 

“Victor?” Yuri was behind him. Victor barely glanced at him before running off, ignoring the shouts from the others. Yuuri had left to come to the rink?

 

“Victor!” Yuri was still close, but Victor paid him not attention, trying to focus on Yuuri through the phone.

 

“Yuuri, I need to you to breathe. I’m coming. Can you tell me where you are? What are you near?”

 

“Th-the all-ley,” Yuuri choked, his voice turning into a whimper. The alley? And then Victor realized what Yuuri must mean.

 

They alley the men had pulled him in.

 

The cold air hit him in the face as he exited the rink, but he didn’t care. He was running, back towards the apartment, wildly looking around for Yuuri as he went. He could hear footsteps behind him; Yuri had followed him.

 

Finally, he saw Yuuri, just a couple block away, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. When he saw Victor, the phone dropped from his hand, his face crumpling. Victor ran to him, and pulled him to his arms. Yuuri was trembling, gasping for air. Victor was afraid that he would pass out.

 

“You’re okay,” he said, holding Yuuri tightly. “You’re okay, Yuuri. No one is going to hurt you. I’m right here. I need you to breathe with me, Yuuri. Do what I do.”

 

He pulled away, his hands firmly holding each of Yuuri’s shoulders. He made Yuuri look him in the eye. Again, he took a deep breath. Yuuri tried to copy him. “That’s good!” Victor encouraged him. “Try again.” Yuuri took another shaky breath. “That’s good, love. You’re doing great.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes were looking past Victor, and Victor remembered where they were. He needed to get Yuuri out of there. He looked behind him and was startled to see Yuri standing there, looking scared. He hadn’t said a word. Victor looked at him, but didn’t say anything.

 

“Can you walk?” he asked Yuuri, looking back at him. Yuuri shook his head. Victor sighed. He looked back at Yuri. “Can you call a cab?” he asked, and Yuri nodded, pulling out his phone without a word.

 

Victor pulled Yuuri back into his arms. Yuuri buried his face into Victor’s shoulders, the sobs muffled. At least he was breathing better. That was all they had needed to have Yuuri pass out in the street.

 

A cab was there in minutes, and Victor helped Yuuri climb into the back. Yuri hesitated, and then squeezed in with them without a word.


	10. Chapter 10

Yuuri was barely aware of what was happening around him. Voices sounded strange, as if he were underwater. He felt Victor’s arms around him, and they were the only thing keeping him grounded. The alley was there, right there, and Yuuri felt helpless. He felt just as helpless as he had that night. He couldn’t even get his own legs to move.

 

Suddenly they were in a car. A taxi. He realized that Yuri was there as well. He hadn’t even noticed him. Slowly, his hearing was returning to him. It made everything seem too loud; the noises made his head hurt. Victor had his arm around him. The car stopped, and Victor threw money at the driver. He reached across Yuuri to open the door. Yuuri knew that meant that he had to get out of the car, but his legs still didn’t want to move. To his surprise, Yuri appeared, standing outside the car door, holding his hand out. Yuuri just looked at him for a moment. Victor rubbed his back, saying “It’s okay.”

 

Yuuri took Yuri’s hand and allowed the younger skater to pull him out of the car. With the help of both him and Victor, they were able to make it inside. Victor ushered him to the couch, pulling off his coat and wrapping him in a blanket. Yuuri just let Victor take care of him. His head was pounding, and he was exhausted. Victor settled on the couch with him, and Yuuri put his head in Victor’s lap. Victor stroked his hair, humming to him the same song he had hummed back in Tokyo.

 

Yuuri felt himself drift half way between sleep and consciousness. He was finally able to breathe again, though he still felt shaky. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on his breathing, allowing himself to relax little by little, knowing Victor was there and they were safe at home.

 

“What…happened?” Yuuri heard Yuri ask.

 

“Anxiety attack,” Victor answered. “Sometimes they get bad. That’s what happened today.”

 

“But…but why?” Yuri asked. He sounded scared.

 

“It’s…there’s a lot that happened, Yuri,” Victor sighed. If Victor said anymore, Yuuri wasn’t aware, because the next thing we knew, he was being shifted gently on the couch.

 

“I’m sorry,” Victor whispered. “I was trying not to move, but…I really have to go to the bathroom.”

 

Yuuri blinked several times, trying to get his brain to work. And then he remembered; he’d had an anxiety attack in the middle of the street.

 

“It’s okay,” Yuuri croaked. His head was still pounding, though not quite as badly. In all honesty, he didn’t want Victor to leave, not even just to the bathroom. Perhaps Victor could tell, because he hesitated to get up.

 

“Go, old man,” Yuri said, and suddenly he was sitting next to Yuuri on the couch. “Go before you pee yourself.”

 

Yuuri had forgotten Yuri was there. Victor got up and left quickly to the bathroom. Yuri didn’t say anything. He just looked down at his phone. Yuuri watched him. It didn’t bother him that Yuri was ignoring him. He appreciated it. He wasn’t exactly proud that Yuri had seen him in such a moment of weakness. He had always hoped he could be someone that Yuri looked up to, after all.

 

Yuuri rubbed his temples, wishing his headache would go away. “Here.” There was suddenly a cup of water in his face. Yuri was holding it out to him. Yuuri took it, muttering a quiet “thank you.” He took a couple gulps, realizing how thirsty he was.

 

“Okay, I’m back!” Victor was there again. “How are you feeling, love?”

 

 

“ ‘m okay,” Yuuri mumbled. He didn’t feel okay. He felt tired, his head hurt, and he felt embarrassed to have had such a meltdown in front of both Victor and Yuri. He should have known better than to go to the rink. But he had wanted so badly to try.

 

Victor slid back on to the couch, wrapping his arm around Yuuri. Yuuri cuddled into him, thankful for Victor’s presence. Victor simply being there made him feel a bit better.

 

“Are you hungry? I could order us lunch,” Victor said, and Yuuri shook his head.

 

“I’m hungry,” Yuri stated from the other end of the couch. “I can run and get something, if you want. Even better, I can get actual food to make you guys something, since apparently you are incapable.”

 

Yuuri smiled. He really had missed Yuri, and the times they had all spent together.

 

After making Victor give him more than enough money, Yuri left for the store, leaving them alone. Victor and Yuuri stayed on the couch. Yuuri was finally starting to feel normal again. At least his legs seemed to remember how to function.

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri told Victor. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did.”

 

“Don’t be sorry love,” Victor replied, “though I wish you would have just come with me if you wanted to go.”

 

“I….” Yuuri sighed. “I just felt so bad for the way I had treated Yuri. I wanted to apologize to him, and once I thought about it I just went. It was impulsive of me. And stupid. I knew….”

 

“You aren’t stupid, Yuuri,” Victor said firmly. “You wanted to see your friend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It isn’t your fault. We just…we have to take things slowly, love.”

 

“I know.” Yuuri sighed in frustration. “I just…I’m just tired of taking things slow. I’m tired of feeling this way. I hurt so many people, and I want to try and fix everything. I just thought I could go see Yuri and apologize. It sounded so simple, so easy.”

 

Victor kissed the top of his head. “If it makes you feel better, remember that Yuri is here. He followed me all the way to you, and he came home with us, and now he is out buying us food. Yuri’s still here, and he still cares about you.”

 

“Did you…did you tell him?” Yuuri asked.

 

“Tell him?” Victor’s eyes widened when he realized what Yuuri meant. “No! No, of course not. That’s…that’s not my story to tell. I just told him that a lot of things had happened, and you were trying your best to deal with them. But I think he realizes that you didn’t just leave on a whim.”

 

“I…I want to tell him,” Yuuri said. “I know that I owe it to him. And he’s going to be wondering even more after today.”

 

“You can tell him, if that’s what you want,” Victor said. “Or you can wait. No matter what, I know that he will understand.”

 

Yuri returned a few minutes later, grocery bag in hand. Yuuri got up and followed him to the kitchen. He still felt a little off balance, but he ignored it. “Do you need help?” he asked Yuri, who sat the bag down on the counter.

 

“Cooking?” Yuri asked, raising an eyebrow. “I know you’re a little better at it than Victor, but I think it’s best if you leave it to me.”

 

Yuuri smiled. “Yuri,” he started, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?” Yuri asked, taking food out of the bag and setting it out.

 

“For….” Where did he begin. “For leaving. For not keeping in touch. For being a bad friend. For freaking out like that today.”

 

Yuri paused, but didn’t look at him. “I…I wish you would have at least answered me,” Yuri said. “At least a response to one of my messages would have been nice.”

 

“I know,” Yuuri said quietly. “Some…some bad things happened, and I wasn’t able to handle it very well. That’s not an excuse, but…” He sighed.

 

Yuri turned to look at him. “What happened?” Yuri asked. He looked scared, as if he didn’t really want to know.

 

Yuuri didn’t know what to do. He wanted to tell Yuri the truth, and at the same time, he didn’t. He felt ashamed. He hated being weak, especially in front of Yuri.

 

“Did someone hurt you?” Yuri asked, clenching his fist. “Because if they did, I’ll kill them.”

 

Yuuri smiled weakly. “Though I appreciate that, it won’t be necessary. I don’t need you in jail.”

 

Yuri’s fists unclenched. “So…so someone did hurt you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

 

Yuuri was quiet for a moment. “Yes. The night I left. I had been walking home from the rink, and some men…three men. They cornered me, and….” He exhaled. “I didn’t know them, but they seemed to know me. They knew that I was in a relationship with another man, at least. They….”

 

Yuri’s face was pale. “You- you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

 

Yuuri hadn’t said the words out loud, yet.

 

Six months since the attack; two weeks after he had told Victor, and he still hadn’t said the words.

 

“They raped me,” Yuuri whispered.

 

Victor was there, suddenly. Yuuri hadn’t even heard him approach. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders. Yuuri felt weird, saying the words out loud. It was scary, but it was also as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was the truth, after all. Saying the words made it real. Saying the words meant that he needed to deal with it. Saying the words meant he could start to move forward.

 

“I love you,” Victor whispered to him, and his words sent warmth through Yuuri.

 

Yuri was silent, though his eyes shined. He turned back to the groceries for a moment, his hands trembling slightly. He turned back to them, and suddenly he was hugging Yuuri too, the three of them standing awkwardly together in the kitchen. Yuuri couldn’t help but feel the tears start to fall again, but they weren’t tears of fear this time.

 

He was just thankful to be surrounded by people who made him feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well <3 Ill be working on the next chapter today and tomorrow! <3


	11. Chapter 11

Both Victor and Yuri were silent the next morning when they arrived at the rink. They apologized to Yakov, who immediately started yelling at them for running off yesterday and not returning. Yakov reminded Victor that he was Yuri’s coach and had a responsibility to him. Victor nodded and said all the right things, though his heart wasn’t in it and Yakov could tell. Annoyed, Yakov dismissed him.

 

Yuri’s skating was off. It wasn’t bad, and he didn’t even really make any mistakes. It was just off. It wasn’t him. Yuri was a phenomenal skater; a lot of times he made it look effortless. Today was different. But Victor didn’t bring it up. After all, he could only assume why Yuri was acting in such a way. Mila seemed to notice, however, and hovered around, trying to cheer Yuri up. It somewhat seemed to work; he was at least distracted for a bit. Victor would have to try and talk to him, alone.

 

Victor texted Yuuri a couple times to check on him; Yuuri said that he was fine. Victor couldn’t help but to worry. He felt so fiercely protective of Yuuri, and it was hard knowing how easily his anxiety could overtake him. But he knew he couldn’t hover too much. He didn’t want Yuuri feeling smothered by him.

 

“Yuri, let’s break for lunch,” Victor called out once it was getting close to noon. For once, Yuri didn’t argue with him; he just nodded and headed off the ice. Victor followed him to the locker room.

 

“Are you going home for lunch?” Yuri asked, and Victor nodded. “Can I come with you?”

 

Victor smiled. “Sure.” They were silent as Yuri changed. However, right as they were going to leave, Victor caught hold of Yuri’s hand.

 

“Can we talk?” Victor asked him.

 

Yuri looked at him, his face passive. “I guess.”

 

Victor led the way outside; he didn’t want to chance anyone overhearing them. Yuri followed, and they walked slower than normal, neither of them looking at the other.

 

“Are you okay, Yuri?” Victor finally asked. “I know it’s…kind of hard.”

 

Yuri was quiet for a moment, looking at the ground. “I feel like it’s my fault.”

 

Victor was surprised. “Your fault? Why would you think that?”

 

Yuri shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “That night, we were at practice. I made you stay late and Yuuri went home alone.” Yuri kicked a rock on the ground. “If I hadn’t made you stay, then he wouldn’t have been alone, and-”

 

“Yuri, stop.” Victor stopped walking, and grabbed Yuri’s arm, turning him around to look at him. Yuri pulled away and glared at him, but Victor could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

 

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” Victor said firmly. “Yuuri had walked this path alone many times. It’s not like any of us were expecting this to happen. And besides, even if I were with him, that doesn’t mean those men wouldn’t have still tried to cause trouble. From what Yuuri has told me, at least one of them had a gun.” Victor sighed. “I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt, as well. For wishing I could have helped him that night. For not trying to reach out to him sooner. Yuuri loves me, and I knew that. And yet I let myself believe that he didn’t. And then if you were to ask Yuuri, he’d tell you it was all his fault, that he…that he didn’t fight hard enough.” Victor shook his head. “But no one is to blame for what happened except the men who hurt him, Yuri.”

 

Yuri looked back down at his feet. “It just sucks. Katsudon doesn’t deserve this. The guy wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly.”

 

“I know,” Victor replied. His throat burned. It hurt him, to think of what Yuuri had gone through. It hurt him to see Yuuri struggle with it.

 

Yuri looked back up at him. “So what do we do, now?”

 

“We just be there for him,” Victor sighed. “Let him know that he’s not alone and that we still care for him.”

 

Yuri nodded. They started walking again.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri was on the couch with his laptop when Victor and Yuri arrived. Makkachin, who had stayed curled up by Yuuri’s side all morning, jumped up when they came in. Yuuri smiled and closed his laptop, setting it aside. He had just finished writing an email to Phichit. He hadn’t told him what happened, not yet. But he had at least apologized and let Phichit know that he wanted to work on catching up with him again.

 

Yuuri stood up to greet Victor, who placed a kiss on his forehead. “Hey,” Victor said with a smile. “What were you up to?”

 

“I was just writing to Phichit,” Yuuri replied.

 

“That’s good!” Victor said brightly. “I’m glad. I’m sure he misses you.”

 

“How is practice going?” Yuuri asked, looking from Victor to Yuri. Yuri wasn’t looking at him, though. He had thrown himself down in the armchair and was looking at his phone.

 

“Good,” Victor said, glancing at Yuri. “We just need to get back into the swing of things.”

 

Yuri was still silent. “Makes sense,” Yuuri said. He felt a little uneasy; he hoped Yuri didn’t feel awkward around him now. “I can heat up some of the leftovers from last night, if you guys want.”

 

“Sure,” Victor said, and there was no response from Yuri, so Yuuri had to assume that he would eat as well. Yuuri made his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge. He just stared into it, his mind wandering. He really hoped Yuri was okay. Maybe he shouldn’t have told him. Maybe it was too much. Maybe it wasn’t something he should be telling people. Victor had been great, but Yuuri knew that Victor was upset about it.

 

Suddenly, Yuuri didn’t feel very hungry. He shut the fridge and sat down at the kitchen table. For the most part, he had felt he was doing a good thing by being honest with people close to him. And it had been good for him. But what about everyone else? Perhaps it was easier if he didn’t tell people. He didn’t want to worry and stress anyone. He didn’t want people to think differently of him.

 

“Yuuri?” Victor peeked into the kitchen. “Do you need help?”

 

“No!” Yuuri said at once, standing up. “I mean, I’m fine.”

 

“You okay?” Victor asked with a frown.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Yuuri turned back to the fridge. Within seconds, Victor was behind him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Yuuri grabbed Victor’s arm, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Is Yuri upset with me?”

 

“Upset with you?” Victor repeated. “No, no. Of course not.”

 

“But he didn’t even want to look at me.”

 

Victor sighed. “It’s not that he’s upset with you. He’s upset with the situation, is all.”

 

Yuuri turned to Victor. “I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. I know I’m a mess right now, and if it’s too much-“

 

“Shut up.”

 

Yuuri stopped and looked around Victor. Yuri was leaning in the doorway.

 

“You have every right to feel fucked up,” Yuri said. “And no, I don’t feel uncomfortable with you. I’m pissed. I’m pissed that some assholes did that to you. I’m pissed at myself for keeping Victor that night and making you go home alone. And I’m afraid…that I’ll like, say the wrong thing, or something.”

 

Yuuri blinked. He had never even thought to be mad at Yuri for keeping Victor late that night. “It’s not your fault, Yuri,” he said. “Promise me you won’t think that, anymore. And don’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you do, I’ll let you know.”

 

Yuri studied him. “Alright, Katsudon. Can I ask you a question?”

 

Yuuri nodded.

 

“Why did you stop skating?”

 

Yuuri’s heart skipped. He instinctively grabbed for Victor’s hand, and Victor squeezed it reassuringly. Yuri seemed to notice his reaction and tensed.

 

“It’s okay,” Yuuri said quickly. “I-I don’t know, honestly. I just…I can’t.”

 

Yuri sighed. “Okay. Fair enough.”

 

“Well,” Victor said, obviously ready to steer the conversation, “I’m still hungry. We should get the food ready.”

 

An idea came to Yuuri’s mind. “Can we…can we go to that café? The one we always used to go to, before?”

 

Victor hesitated. “You’re okay with going out?”

 

Yuuri thought about it. “I think so. As long as you guys are there.”

 

Victor smiled. He looked at Yuri, who shrugged. “Alright then,” Victor said. “Let’s go out for lunch.”

 

The three of them left the apartment together. Yuuri felt nervous, but having Victor and Yuri there by his side made it bearable.

 

They had lunch together at their favorite little café, and for once, Yuuri felt a little like his old self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I meant to post a chapter sooner, sorry for the wait >.< I found out a friend of mine isn't doing well and it got me a little distracted. This chapter is a little short, as well; I guess it's more of a filler. I'll work hard on getting some more writing done <3 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter <3


	12. Chapter 12

Yuuri was used to nightmares.

 

He’d been having them consistently since he was attacked. Sometimes they were worse than others. Some were longer, some were more vivid. But they were always pretty much exactly the same. They had become a constant part of his life, and something he’d come to expect, even if he hated them.

 

However, recently, his nightmares had begun to change. But they weren’t getting better. They were getting worse. Before, his nightmares had always been a replay of the night in the alley. And they still were, except now, Victor was there, or Yuri, or both of them.

 

And things never ended well.

 

Almost every night the past week Yuuri had woken up, screaming, a shaken Victor trying to calm him. He had been back in St. Petersburg for two weeks now. Everything had been going well. He was spending time with Victor, and with Yuri. He had even ventured outside on a couple of occasions. He had been in touch with Phichit again, and even some of his other friends. And yet, the nightmares were getting worse.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri mumbled as he lay with Victor in bed, his head on Victor’s chest as Victor hummed to him. He felt awful for waking up Victor so much lately. He could tell that Victor was tired, and yet Victor always stayed up with him without complaint.

 

“It’s okay,” Victor replied, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

 

“I don’t understand,” Yuuri said, exhausted and frustrated. “I’m trying so hard. I’ve been talking to people again, and I’m working on going out more. I don’t understand why they get this bad when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to.”

 

Victor was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think it’s that simple, love. You’ve been doing great, there’s no doubt about that. Your strength amazes me every day. But it’s more complicated than that. I don’t think it’s something that will just go away.”

 

“I know that.” Yuuri sighed in frustration. “I know. I was…I was just hoping it would get easier.”

 

“Have you…have you thought about talking to a doctor?” Victor asked, his tone careful.

 

Yuuri didn’t reply. He had thought of it, on a couple of occasions. But he was afraid. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to talk about what had happened to him. He had barely told Victor and Yuri what had happened, and he hadn’t really given any details. Just thinking about trying to tell someone the details of the night caused his heart to race.

 

“I’m sorry,” Victor said quickly, and Yuuri realized he had been clenching his hands so tightly it hurt. “Forget I said it.”

 

“It’s okay, you’re just trying to help,” Yuuri said tiredly. What he would give for a night of dreamless sleep. “I just…I don’t think I’m ready.”

 

Victor nodded. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

…

 

Yuuri was exhausted as he drank his coffee, scrolling through his email, though he wasn’t quite awake enough to comprehend anything. Victor had just left to go to practice with Yuri, and he hadn’t looked much better than Yuuri felt. He knew he would have to try and figure something out, even if it meant having to sleep on the couch for a while. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about waking up Victor.

 

Phichit was writing to him again, and they had even Skyped the other night. Yuuri hadn’t told him what had happened, and Phichit hadn’t asked. Instead they had been catching up on what was going on in each other’s lives, and it was nice to have someone act so normal with him. Phichit sent him some photos he had taken at his home rink with his rinkmates. Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at the photos.

 

Sometimes, he wanted to return to the ice.

 

But it scared him as much as his nightmares did.

 

He knew he needed to do something. He couldn’t just sit in the apartment all day for the rest of his life. Victor and Yuri would be travelling sooner or later for competitions, meaning Yuuri would either have to go with them or stay at the apartment alone, and neither of those options made him feel very good.

 

He wasn’t sure why skating scared him so much. He hadn’t even put a skate on his foot since that night. It went from being a major part of his life to something he couldn’t even think about. He wasn’t sure what to do. Perhaps he just needed to push through and go. Perhaps if he went to practice with Yuri and Victor one morning, he would realize there was nothing scary about it and he would be okay.

 

What had happened to him had nothing to do with skating, after all. He shouldn’t have to be so afraid of it.

 

Making up his mind, he decided that tomorrow, he would try to go with Victor to Yuri’s practice. He could at least try.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure about this?” Victor asked wearily the next morning as they were getting dressed. “I don’t want you to push yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

 

“I haven’t been comfortable with anything I’ve pushed myself to do,” Yuuri replied. “Telling you, telling Yuri, coming to St. Petersburg…everything has been hard for me, Victor. I just…I just want to try and get my life back. And I don’t know how else to do it.”

 

Victor sighed. He was worried, but he also knew that when Yuuri put his mind to something, there was no changing it. “I understand, love. Just know that I’m there if you need me, or need anything. Just say the word, Yuuri, and I’ll take you home if you need it, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Yuuri replied, but he still seemed determined. Victor was proud of him for wanting to try and take back control of his life. He knew how difficult things could be for Yuuri, and the fact that he had been so persistent to keep trying his best was amazing to Victor. But he was afraid that Yuuri would push himself too hard.

 

One of his conditions to Yuuri coming is that they drive to the rink. For one, he didn’t want Yuuri to be walking anywhere near that alley again, especially after what had happened last time. And secondly, he wanted to make sure they had a quick way home if they needed it as well. Yuuri didn’t argue with him on it, and they got into the car, the morning air chilly. Yuuri was quiet as Victor made sure he went out of his way and took the long way around to the rink, to avoid passing the alley at all.

 

When they finally pulled in to park at the rink, Yuuri was still silent and his face was pale. “Hey,” Victor said, grabbing Yuuri’s hand. “You’re okay. You’re safe with me.”

 

“I know,” Yuuri said quietly. “I’m okay.”

 

Victor wasn’t convinced, but he got out of the car anyway, grabbing his things. Yuuri followed suit. Yuri was waiting for them outside the door. Victor had texted him and told him Yuuri was coming, and Victor could only assume that was why he was waiting there to greet them.

 

“Katsudon!” Yuri said, his eyes bright despite the early morning. “I’m happy you came.”

 

Yuuri smiled weakly at him. “Hey, Yurio.”

 

Yuri looked at Victor questioningly. Victor shot him a “don’t say anything” look. Yuri must have understood because he just shrugged and headed inside. Victor went to follow him, but paused when he realized Yuuri wasn’t doing the same.

 

“Yuuri?” Victor asked, and Yuuri was looking at his feet. He looked up, his face possibly paler than it had been earlier and nodded, following them inside. It was still early enough that the rink was quiet. They made their way to the locker room silently, Yuri leading the way and Yuuri trailing behind at the end. Yuri went to his locker, and Victor stopped and turned to Yuuri, who was still staring at the ground.

 

“Yuuri, love,” Victor said, putting his hand on Yuuri’s shoulder, making him jump. Yuuri looked up at him, and his face broke Victor’s heart. He looked so scared, so fragile. “I promise you you’re safe. I’m here, and so is Yuri. But you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

 

“I do,” Yuuri whispered, his eyes brimming with tears. “I want to be here. I want to be here with you, and with Yuri. I want to skate. I want to feel safe here.”

 

Victor pulled Yuuri into his arms. “What is it that makes you feel unsafe? Is it because we’re so close to…?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s it. I couldn’t skate in Japan, either. I just…everything was so different so different for me, before. I left here that night and I had no idea. I had no idea what would happen. I had no idea how scared I could be. I had no idea what it meant to be afraid. I had thought I knew. I thought I knew a lot of things.”

 

“I know,” Victor said, feeling helpless. He glanced at Yuri, who was still standing at his locker, facing away from them, but he was still. He was listening. “I’m so sorry, Yuuri. I wish I could do something to help take it away.”

 

“I want to be here,” Yuuri whispered. “I want to feel like I did that night, before I left this building. I want to be that Yuuri again.”

 

“You can be,” Victor told him, even though he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of what the right thing to say was, and he wasn’t sure if Yuuri could ever be the same again. But he wanted it. He wanted Yuuri to feel happy and safe again.

 

Yuuri pulled away from him, wiping his eyes. “I want to try and stay here, with you. I want to try.”

 

“Okay,” Victor told him. “You’re doing great, love. I know how hard even just coming here was for you. And I’ll be here. Just let me know whatever you need, okay?”

 

“I don’t want to talk to anymore,” Yuuri said quietly.

 

“That’s okay,” Victor said. “You don’t have to.”

 

Yuuri nodded. Victor looked over at Yuri again, who was watching them. “Are you ready to go, Yuri?”

 

Yuri looked sad. But he straightened up and nodded. “Just watch me, Katsudon,” he told Yuuri. “You can see all you’ve missed while you were gone, and you won’t be disappointed.”

 

Yuuri smiled and nodded.

 

Yuuri took a place in the stands as Victor and Yuri went out on the ice. As the other skaters started to arrive, Victor made sure to explain to them all that Yuuri wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t up to talking. Mila still waved at him when she saw him, and he waved back.

 

Victor kept glancing at Yuuri in the stands. Yuuri kept his eyes on the ice the entire time, though if he was watching the skaters or just staring into space, Victor couldn’t tell. But Yuuri had made it there, and he was doing okay. He hadn’t gone into a panic attack at the very least, and that was a victory in its own.

 

Every victory meant something, no matter how small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Sorry I haven't been updating as regularly, things have just been a bit hectic for me. I really strive to try and publish every day! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter <3


	13. Chapter 13

Victor was tired. He had been tired for weeks, months, even.

 

Before Yuuri left, his life had felt perfect. It was surreal, almost. He had spent such a long time being worldwide phenomena Victor Nikiforov, and although that had been great, it had been lonely. He had spent so much of his life focused on his career that he paid little attention to anything else. For a while, that was okay. But the older he got, the more he realized that he wanted more than a shiny career.

 

Then he met Yuuri Katsuki, and his life changed in an instant.

 

He had fallen in love with Yuuri quickly. He hadn’t even realized it, at first; it had happened that quickly. Before he knew it he cared for the Japanese skater more than he cared about his career. And his life changed in the most beautiful way. He woke up in the morning in the arms of the man he loved. He looked over his morning coffee and saw Yuuri looking back at him, small smile on his face. When he was angry Yuuri was there to listen and calm him down. When he was worried Yuuri was kind and reassuring. Yuuri cheered him on every day, and every day Victor fell in love with him even more.

 

When Yuuri had left him, Victor’s world had been shattered.

 

At first he couldn’t accept it. He bought a plane ticket and stood outside the door of Yuuri’s family’s inn, begging them to let him inside and speak to Yuuri. But Yuuri wanted nothing to do with him. One day he was Victor’s everything, and the next he wouldn’t even speak to him.

 

Victor returned home to Russia, and he was sure that he had done something wrong. Yuuri had been cheering him on all this time, after all. But had he been doing the same for Yuuri? He couldn’t remember.

 

Before Yuuri, Victor would have been fine waking up alone, drinking his coffee alone, going to the rink alone.

 

But after Yuuri, it wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay anymore. Victor realized how much he had loved and depended on Yuuri. Yuuri had made his empty life feel whole again. The months in which Yuuri was gone were awful. Victor still got up, and went to practice, and did all the things he was supposed to do. But his heart hadn’t been in it. He didn’t even feel like himself anymore.

 

So he had flown to Tokyo, ready to do whatever he could to fix whatever he had done.

 

But he never had imagined that it was something he couldn’t fix.

 

Life after Yuuri had left him was hard, but life now that Yuuri was back was hard, too.

 

Sleep wasn’t easy. Not when Yuuri woke up screaming every night, fighting Victor until he realized that it had just been a dream, and then dissolving into tears and Victor’s arms.

 

When Victor was away from Yuuri, he worried. He was always worried. Sometimes the smallest thing could set Yuuri off, and cause him to start having a panic attack. Victor could talk him through it if he was there. But Victor worried about the times he wasn’t there.

 

Aside from being worried, he was angry. He was angry at himself for not being better. He was angry at the men who hurt his fiancé in such a horrible way. He was angry that Yuuri had to live in a world of constant fear when he deserved nothing but happiness.

 

He wanted to protect Yuuri, but he couldn’t.

 

Mostly, Victor was just really tired.

 

Yuuri had decided to start coming to practice with them. And it was painful for him, Victor could tell. Yuuri would barely speak the whole time. He would just sit in the stands and watch from afar. Victor wasn’t sure exactly why being at the rink, or just skating in general caused Yuuri so much pain. Perhaps it was a reminder for him of what those men had taken from him. Perhaps it was because Yuuri used skating to face his emotion, and he wasn’t ready to face what had happened to him. Whatever the reason, it broke Victor’s heart to see Yuuri sit there, looking so afraid.

 

But Yuuri kept coming.

 

Yuuri wanted nothing more than to be better, to get better, and to be the person he once had been. Victor was constantly surprised by Yuuri Katsuki. That was one of the reasons he loved him so much. Even though it was painful, Yuuri kept trying.

 

He was a stronger person than Victor could ever be.

 

Victor vowed he would do everything he could to help Yuuri feel safe again.

 

* * *

 

“He just sits there,” Yakov observed one afternoon. Yuuri had been coming to practice for a few days now, and he still had yet to say one word to anyone, aside from Yuri and Victor. “I thought he was a skater.”

 

Victor tried not to get angry with Yakov, though it was easier said than done. It wasn’t Yakov’s fault; he didn’t understand the situation. “He is a skater,” Victor replied. “He just needs some time.”

 

“Time?” Yakov scoffed. “He’s already pushing it. He probably has another year or two at best.”

 

Victor sighed and didn’t say anything. “I don’t understand,” Yakov continued. “He leaves out of the blue and leaves you a complete mess. And then he comes back and suddenly can’t even talk.”

 

“Shut up, Yakov.”

 

“I’m worried about you, Vitya. I know you think you love this boy, but I’m not sure he’s what’s best for you. If-”

 

“I said shut up!” Victor snapped, causing Yuri and Mila to look over at them. Victor took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. “It’s complicated, Yakov. Some things happened to Yuuri, some things that were out of his control. He’s doing the best he can to piece his life back together, and the last thing he needs to hear that he’s not good for me. And for what it’s worth, Yakov, he is good for me. He’s more than that. More than you could ever understand.”

 

Yakov just looked at him. It had been a long time since Victor had stood up to Yakov in such a way, and it surprised the older man. It surprised Victor, too. He hadn’t been able to stop the words from coming, but he was glad he said it.

 

“Fine, then,” Yakov said. “As long as you know what you’re getting yourself in to.”

 

And with that, Yakov walked away. Frustrated, Victor called out to Yuri to take a break and walked off, taking a moment to cool off. Once he felt a little more composed, he went up into the stands to check on Yuuri.

 

Yuuri was curled up in his seat, a faraway look in his eye. When he noticed Victor, however, he managed to straighten up and smile. Victor sat in the seat next to him, taking Yuuri’s hand in his own.

 

“What’s wrong?” Yuuri asked, studying him.

 

Victor shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m okay. What were you thinking about, just now?”

 

Yuuri looked back out at the ice. “A lot of things. All I’ve been doing the past couple days we’ve been here is thinking. I guess being near the ice does that to me, even if I’m not on it.”

 

“Has it helped?” Victor asked. “Being here?”

 

“I don’t know,” Yuuri answered. “I think it’s getting a little easier, being here. I guess that’s something. And I’ve been thinking a lot, about what happened to me. What happened afterwards. What’s going to happen next. I’m still not really sure about any of it.” Yuuri sighed. “I’m just really tired.”

 

Victor nodded. “Me too.”

 

Yuuri looked back at him and nodded. He squeezed Victor’s hand. Victor took that as a sign that they needed to go home, soon. Yuuri often would grab his hand and squeeze it when things were getting hard for him, a speechless way of communicating that Victor was getting used to.

 

“Hey.”

 

Suddenly, Yuri was there as well, flopping down on Yuuri’s other side. “I think we’ve had enough practice for today.”

 

“Do you.” Victor chuckled.

 

“Yeah,” Yuri said nonchalantly. “Plus I’m really in the mood for a latte, and I did great today, so I think you should treat me to one. I deserve it, after all.”

 

Yuuri chuckled. Victor rolled his eyes. Sometimes he was incredibly grateful for Yuri’s presence in their lives. The kid was smart, and he always knew the right things to say when they needed them. And more often than not, he was able to bring out a genuine smile in Yuuri, and that was something that Victor treasured.

 

* * *

 

 

They sat together at the café. Yuuri looked down at his coffee mug, the warmth in his hands comforting. Sometimes he missed his job back in Tokyo. Every once and a while, the thought about trying to pick up a job at one of the local cafes in their neighborhood. He knew he’s have to work harder at his Russian, so in his times at home lately he’d been studying, trying to get a better hold of the language. It was a work in process, but he was getting better.

 

Little by little, things were getting better. Even if his nightmares didn’t go away.

 

“Victor,” he said suddenly, and Yuri and Victor, who had been in conversation over Yuri’s routine, looked at him.

 

“What is it, love?” Victor asked.

 

Yuuri gripped his coffee cup. “I want to try to skate again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a majority of this chapter at 1 am last night, so apologies if I missed any errors xD 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your nice comments. I've been super stressed lately and it really helps to get such nice comments! I think I've been channeling a lot of my emotion into writing this story. Sometimes I worry that doing so will ruin it, so it helps to know you guys are still enjoying it!
> 
> Just an FYI: I'll be moving over the next couple weeks, and also my friend passed away, with that piled on top of finishing my last 2 weeks at my current job, I may not be able to update as quickly. But as always, I will certainly try. 
> 
> <3


	14. Chapter 14

Ice skating had been a part of Yuuri’s life as long as he could remember. It wasn’t even just a part of his life; it was pretty much his whole life. So much of his time and energy had been spent out on the ice. It was a part of him. It was the place he felt safe. It was the place where he was able to let go and skate through his feelings, his emotions, his frustrations. It was what made his skating beautiful.

 

But ever since the night those men cornered him, he hadn’t even been able to think about setting foot on the ice. It terrified him.

 

But after spending the last few days at the rink, watching Yuri and the others practice, Yuuri had realized that he missed it. He needed it.

 

He needed to try skating again.

 

Victor had made sure that they came later at night when the rink was empty. It was just Victor, Yuuri, and Yuri there, now. Yuuri was grateful, because he wasn’t sure what to expect. All he knew was that he was scared. His hands were shaking so badly when he was putting on his skates that Victor had to help him.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Victor asked him once his skates were on. They felt both foreign and familiar on his feet at the same time. “You don’t have to if you aren’t ready.”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “I’m okay. I’m as ready as I will ever be.”

 

Victor smiled at him, pushing Yuuri’s hair out of his eyes. “I’m proud of you, Yuuri. Your strength inspires me every day.”

 

Yuuri gripped Victor’s hand. He was both thankful for Victor’s words, and pressured by them. He wanted to be someone Victor could be proud of. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to once his skates met the ice.

 

“Let’s go,” Victor said, pulling Yuuri to his feet. Yuri hung back, watching. He didn’t say anything, and just watched. When they made eye contact, however, Yuri nodded at him, a little smile on his face, letting him know it was okay.

 

Victor went on to the ice first, turning around to face Yuuri. Yuuri felt liked his legs were frozen. He tried to get them to move, but they didn’t want to. _Come on,_ he told himself. _You can do this. You’ve been doing this your whole life._ He took a deep breath and forced his legs to move. They were shaking badly, but they moved.

 

His feet touched the ice.

 

Victor looked so proud. Yuri cheered for him.

 

But he was terrified. His whole body was trembling, and it was hard to breathe. Everything felt too open, too far away. He just wanted to skate. That’s all he wanted. He wanted to show everyone that he was still Yuuri. He wanted to feel safe on the ice. He wanted so many things, and yet they were still far out of his grasp.

 

“Yuuri.” Victor was there, his hands on Yuuri’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Just breathe. You’re okay.”

 

Yuuri looked at him, Victor’s blue eyes as beautiful as ever, and tried to steady his breathing. That’s right, he was safe. Victor was there. They were just standing on the ice, nothing more.

 

“I-I want to do this, Victor,” he said as his breaths became easier. “I want to. I want this.”

 

“I know,” Victor whispered, his smile sad. “And you can do it, love. I know you can. We’ll get there, little by little. You made it out here. You got the skates on and you got on the ice. That in itself is an accomplishment, since you could barely walk through the door a week ago. You are going great, my love.”

 

Yuuri just nodded. He was no longer trembling, though he felt exhausted, as if he had just skating for hours straight.

 

“Why don’t we try again tomorrow,” Victor suggested. Yuuri nodded. He hated that he hadn’t been able to do anything but stand there. But he didn’t have it in him to even try.

 

He looked up as they got off the ice, and realized Yuri was no longer there watching them.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri was quiet the rest of the night, but Victor didn’t press him. He had meant every word that he had said at the rink. He was incredibly proud of Yuuri. Though he could not begin to understand exactly how Yuuri felt, he knew that everything that Yuuri had done had been difficult for him. He had seen the fear in Yuuri’s eyes, and witnessed enough of his panic attacks. He heard Yuuri scream and cry in his sleep every night. And yet, little by little, Yuuri kept trying. He could leave the house now. He could talk to his family and friends. He could go to the rink. And tonight, he made it on to the ice.

 

Yuuri had no idea how brave he really was.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri murmured later that night when they were lying in bed. “I really wanted to…do anything, really. Anything other than just stand there.”

 

“You will, love,” Victor told him. “I know it without a doubt.”

 

Yuuri was quiet for a moment. “I feel so…vulnerable. I can’t explain it. I don’t know why I feel that way. Not on the ice, at least. You would think that the ice would make me feel safe, like it always has. But it doesn’t.”

 

“I think that it will, again, eventually,” Victor told him. “It’s just something that will take time, and patience.”

 

Yuuri sighed. “I just don’t want skating to be another thing that that took from me.”

 

Yuuri’s words made Victor feel both incredibly sad and angry at the same time.

 

“It won’t be,” he told Yuuri, and he hoped Yuuri could tell how serious he was. “We will work at it, and we will take skating back. It will be yours again. And you will skate the best performance anyone has ever seen.”

 

“Even better than you?” Yuuri asked, his voice lighter.

 

“A million times better than me,” Victor said, placing a kiss on Yuuri’s head.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey.”

 

Yuuri looked up as Yuri sat down next to him, shoving a coffee cup in his hands. Yuuri thanked him, surprised. Usually, Yuri required that they bring him coffee, and not the other way around. Yuuri was sitting in his usual spot in the stands, looking down at the ice. He had tossed and turned all night, and was actually quite grateful for the coffee.

 

“I’m sorry I left last night,” Yuri said, without looking at him. “It just…it makes me angry. Well, not you!” he added hastily. “You don’t make me angry. It just…it makes me angry that…”

 

He seemed to be struggling with his words. “It makes me angry too,” Yuuri said. Yuri looked at him. “When I’m on the ice, usually my mind travels,” Yuuri explained. “I think about things. Sometimes, I think of the good things. Things that make me happy. But a lot of times, it’s where I think of all the other things. My fears. My doubts. My insecurities. I’ve always faced them on the ice. Skating was my way of dealing with them. It was a way of getting my feelings out.” Yuuri looked down. “Ever since that night, I haven’t been able to skate. I know that as soon as I do, I’ll have to face what happened to be. And I’ll have to fight it. The way I’ve always fought through my problems before. This one…this just scares me a lot more. I’m not sure if I can do it.”

 

Yuuri surprised himself. He hadn’t even opened up like that to Victor. But the words had spilled out of them before he could stop them. And it was the truth. But he felt a little guilty for dropping it all on Yuri like that. He was just about to apologize when Yuri spoke.

 

“I think that you can do it,” Yuri said. “You’ve overcome a lot with your skating before. I’ve seen it. I’m sure it won’t be easy. But you belong out there on that ice, Katsudon. I know it, and Victor knows it, and you know it, too.”

 

He did know it.

 

“Try again tonight,” Yuri said, standing up. “And keep trying. It doesn’t have to happen overnight.”

 

Yuuri nodded. “I will. I’ll try again tonight.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Thanks, Yuri,” Yuuri added quickly as Yuri turned to leave. “For the coffee, and for listening.”

 

Yuri shrugged. “That’s what friends do, right?”

 

Yuuri smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, Yuuri. I’m right here.” Victor’s voice helped to keep Yuuri grounded. Victor held out his hand, and Yuuri took it. Victor pulled him out onto the ice. Yuri was watching. Yuuri was scared, just like the night before. But he was trying his best to keep himself calm. He kept his eyes on Victor. Victor gently guided him along, as if he had never skated before. His heart was racing. After they had gone around the rink a couple times, Yuuri made himself push away from Victor, gliding alone out into the middle of the rink. And he kept moving. He was out of shape. He could feel it. He had lost so much time.

 

He had lost so much.

 

But ever so slowly, he was gaining it back.

 

He slid around the rink a couple of times before stopping, gasping for breath. Victor went up to him, and Yuuri threw his arms around him. Victor seemed surprised for a moment, but returned his embrace.

 

“You okay?” Victor asked him. “You’re doing great, love.”

 

Yuuri nodded and let go of him. “I’m out of practice.”

 

“That’s okay.”

 

“I’m still scared.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I need you close to me.”

 

“I promise I won’t go anywhere.”

 

Yuuri looked over and Yuri, who nodded at him. Yuuri nodded back, and then looked back at Victor.

 

“Will you still be my coach?”

 

Victor smiled at him.

 

“You don’t even need to ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh it feels like it's been forever, guys T.T
> 
> I'm right in the middle of moving, but by this time next week everything should be settled and I should have time to write more again. 
> 
> So sorry about the long wait, but I hope you enjoyed that chapter nonetheless. 
> 
> I hope you all are well! Thank you for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos as always1 I promise I'll will be writing more regularly again soon <3


	15. Chapter 15

Yuuri was annoyed with himself. This wasn’t anything new, of course.

 

He’d started practicing again a week ago. He still insisted that they hold their practices late after the rink had emptied, despite the fact that it was unfair to his coach. Victor didn’t complain about his long days, of course. Victor would do anything for him, even sacrifice his sleep to make sure Yuuri was able to practice without the eyes of others on him. But Yuuri felt bad. On top of that, skating was difficult. He was stiff and awkward in his movements, and he hated it. Part of it was because of his fear. He was still afraid, every second of every practice. He wanted nothing more than to relax and let go, but he was afraid to let the wall down.

 

But still, he tried. He got out on the ice every day, trying to get back into the routine that he had Victor had started working on before Yuuri had left. Before he had left, he had just begun mastering the routine, and Victor had been so proud. He had been so sure that this was going to be their year, the year that made Yuuri Katsuki a name the world would not forget.

 

Instead he had made sure that he had been forgotten.

 

“Victor,” Yuuri sighed exasperatedly one night, coming to a halt on the ice and nearly tearing out his hair in frustration. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

“You can,” Victor replied simply. His blind optimism just frustrated Yuuri more.

 

“I can’t move! It’s not right!” Yuuri replied, clenching his fists.

 

Victor studied him. “What is making you angry?”

 

Was he not listening? “I just told you, I can’t-“

 

“Yuuri. _What is making you angry_?”

 

“You are!” Yuuri retorted. “I am! I’m tired of feeling like I can’t do anything!”

 

“Then you need to keep trying, love,” Victor said, unfazed by Yuuri’s outburst. “Because I know you can. Those feelings you have pent up inside of you? Use them, Yuuri. It’s okay to be angry. Use it. Work out your anger. That’s what the ice is for.”

 

Frustrated, Yuuri sped off in the opposite direction.

 

Yes, he was angry. He was angry at Victor for always being so goddamn calm. He was angry at himself for being fucked up. He was weak. He always had been. He could never stand up for himself. He could never say the things he wanted to say or do the things that he wanted to do. He was too much of a coward.

 

His body twisted into a triple axel, and somehow, by some miracle, he landed it.

 

He had always needed someone to take care of him. Growing up, that had been Mari, and occasionally Minako or Yuuko. Someone always had to stand up for him and protect him, because he could never do it for himself.

 

Now, that person was Victor. Victor always defended him, always stood up for him and made sure Yuuri was safe.

 

And then Yuuri had been without Victor, and some assholes had jumped him on the street.

 

And raped him.

 

He hated it. He hated them, he hated himself, he hated everything.

 

He had been weak and ran away, leaving Victor, not even giving him an explanation, a reason. Victor had loved him with all of his heart, and Yuuri had left him without a word.

 

If Victor hadn’t flown across the continent to find him, Yuuri would probably still be back in that depressing apartment, alone and miserable.

 

He landed his second jump.

 

His movements were still wrong. They were too sharp.

 

Victor deserved better.

 

He remembered that night in the alley so well. At first, he hadn’t. But the memories had come back, slowly. He remembered it clearly now. He remembered their faces. He remembered his fear, his pain, his humiliation.

 

He could still feel them, all the emotions, swirling inside of him constantly.

 

He had wished to make it all disappear. He had wanted to forget it. That’s why he had ran. He loved Victor. He hadn’t wanted to hurt him. He just wanted to forget that night. He wanted to forget it and hopefully, it would be as if it had never happened.

 

But he couldn’t forget, no matter how hard he tried.

 

He couldn’t forget, and he couldn’t hide.

 

He was so angry.

 

And sad.

 

His muscles burned with his movements, but it felt good. His face was wet but he didn’t care.

 

The pain was unbearable, and yet, he sort of welcomed it. He had spent so much time trying to shove it back down, to avoid it, that letting himself feel hurt, feel angry, feel sad…it was like a release.

 

He had been raped. It had been the worst experience of his life. He had ripped himself away from all the mattered to him because of it.

 

He had hurt the people he loved, because he had been afraid that his pain would hurt them even worse.

 

He spun to a stop, his chest heaving. The room was silent aside from his heavy breaths. His body felt as if it was on fire, but he did not mind. He would rather feel that burn than feel nothing at all.

 

He looked for Victor, suddenly afraid that Victor was not there with him. But Victor was there, staring at him with his hands over his mouth, his eyes glistening.

 

Yuuri’s knees gave out, and Victor ran to him, nearly toppling over in his attempt to pull Yuuri into his arms. Yuuri felt the sobs escape him, and he hugged Victor back.

 

They sat there on the ice for several minutes, silently holding each other.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri decided that he wanted to start practicing with his rinkmates again.

 

He brought it up to Victor a few days after the night on the ice. The following days had shown steady improvement in Yuuri’s movements, and Victor couldn’t contain his happiness that Yuuri was beginning to feel comfortable enough to rejoin his friends. Watching Yuuri’s performance that night on the ice had been an experience for them both. Yuuri had moved so powerfully, so full of emotion. It wasn’t his usual style; but it was hypnotizing. Victor could feel the pain and anger radiating across the ice as Yuuri had dashed across it, skating in a way that Victor had never seen. It had been beautiful and yet terrible.

 

But since that night, Yuuri had been better. It wasn’t a huge change. It wasn’t as if he woke up the next day and everything was perfect. But Victor could see the little changes. His posture was a little straighter. His movements were a little more graceful. His voice was a little stronger.

 

All good things. All things Victor had been hoping for.

 

“I can’t think of a better idea,” Victor had told Yuuri over the dinner table when Yuuri mentioned practicing in the morning instead. “I know that everyone really misses having you out there with them. Especially Yuri. I think it will really help you, as well, to be back with them.”

 

Yuuri smiled. His smile was unsure. “I hope so. I miss it. Feeling like I was a part of something. Like a family.”

 

Victor smiled, gently reaching out to push Yuuri’s hair back. “You are still a part of the family, Yuuri. You are my family.”

 

Yuuri closed his eyes and put his hand over Victor’s. “I’m sorry for leaving that night, Victor.”

 

“I already told you, love, it-“

 

“I know,” Yuuri cut him off. “But I just want you to know that I will never hurt you like that again. It isn’t okay. It’s not okay to me. But I want to make up for it. Because I love you so much.”

 

Victor brought Yuuri’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “I love you too, Yuuri. I promise you, no matter what you may fear, I am not angry that you left. And I know that you will never hurt me. I have always known that, but unfortunately I doubted it for a small time. Things happen, Yuuri. You make decisions without the time or the ability to think about them and understand them. All that matters here, in this moment, is that we are here, and we are together, and we love each other. That’s what matters. And that’s what will pull us through.”

 

Yuuri nodded, his hand squeezing Victor’s. “I can never thank you enough.”

 

Victor shook his head. “I cannot thank you, enough, Yuuri. I never understood love until I met you. And the love you have given me is more than I could have ever wished for.”

 

* * *

 

Yuuri was getting better. Yuri could tell.

 

When Yuuri had first arrived back in St. Petersburg, he had barely been able to speak.

 

And now he was skating with their rinkmates again.

 

When Yuri had found out what had happened to Yuuri, he had been angry. And sad. He’d wanted nothing more than to hurt the men who had hurt Yuuri. But now, watching Yuuri laugh with Mila on the ice, Yuri realized how far Yuuri had come. And it made him happy. He hated to admit it even to himself, but he had really missed Yuuri. He had loved skating with him, even though they bickered back and forth most the time. Yuuri was a good skater, and skating with him made Yuri feel more driven. When Yuuri had left, Yuri had realized how much he had valued Yuuri’s company.

 

Yuuri was his friend, and friends were not easy to make.

 

“Let’s take a break,” Victor called to them. They had been practicing all morning. Yuri, who had been lost in his thoughts, didn’t even fight Victor or think of a snarky remark. Instead he followed Yuuri to the locker room, as Victor hung back to talk with Yakov.

 

“So how’s it feel to be back with team Russia?” Yuri asked as they entered the locker room.

 

“It feels good,” Yuuri said, and Yuri was again reminded of how much better Yuuri had gotten. Not just at skating, but at everything. “I was afraid that it would be hard to come back, but it’s been great so far. I really missed it.”

 

“And maybe now you actually have a chance at making it this year,” Yuri snickered. He tensed, realizing that it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to make fun of Yuuri with everything that had happened, but Yuuri just laughed.

 

“It’s not like I haven’t made a comeback before,” he said with a shrug, sitting down and opening with water bottle. Yuri turned to his locker to grab the lunch he had made when he heard intake of breath from behind him. He turned to see Yuuri, still sitting on the bench, his face suddenly white and afraid. The water bottle in his hand was being gripped so tightly that it was spilling water onto the floor. Yuri’s heart dropped.

 

“What is it?” he asked, but Yuuri didn’t move. Was he even breathing? Yuri tried to figure out what had scared him so much, following Yuuri’s gaze. There was a newspaper thrown on the bench, dated from yesterday. There was a story showing a murder case, pictures of the murder victim on the paper.

 

“What- this?” Yuri asked, picking up the paper. Yuuri jumped at his movement, falling backwards off the bench. Yuri dropped the paper and tried to help Yuuri up, though he was shaking badly. His breathing sounded terrible. Yuri remembered seeing Yuuri this way after he had first returned and tried to walk to the rink by himself.

 

“Hey- hey!” Yuri said forcefully. “Just breathe, goddammit, before you pass out! VICTOR!” He called out desperately, not sure of what he was supposed to do.

 

Victor was there in seconds, taking in the scene before him, and then dropping to the floor next to Yuri. “Yuuri love, it’s okay,” Victor said, his voice sounding so calm. “I’m here. You are safe.”

 

Yuri sat back and watched helplessly as Victor tried to calm Yuuri down. It was quite difficult to watch, but Yuri was afraid to leave. Victor somehow was able to stay calm and talk Yuuri through it, helping Yuuri control his breathing. Once Yuuri had calmed down, his head on Victor’s shoulder, Victor asked, “What happened?”

 

“The newspaper….” Yuri said uncertainly.

 

Victor noticed the newspaper on the floor. Yuuri tensed as Victor picked it up. Victor seemed to notice, and kept it out of Yuuri’s view as he looked at it. He looked up at Yuri questioningly, but Yuri just shrugged.

 

“He’s the one,” Yuuri said, his voice small and shaky. Yuri looked back down at the picture of the dead man. It looked like a mugshot. “He’s the one who r-raped me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again <3 
> 
> I'm all move into my new place! I start my new job in 2 days, so I figured now would be a good time to get back into writing. 
> 
> This chapter was quite a rollercoaster to write. Hopefully the jumps between chapters weren't too confusing. 
> 
> I'm going to start wrapping this story up soon. Now that my move is over, it shouldn't take me too long to get the last few chapters out! 
> 
> Thank you for all your continued support! Please let me know how the chapter was if you'd like :)
> 
> <3


	16. Chapter 16

Yuri looked down at the man in the newspaper, and he hated him. He didn’t care that the man was dead. He fucking hated the bastard with every fiber of his being. He was angry that he didn’t have the chance to punch that smug look off of his face before someone killed him. The newspaper article didn’t say much; the man had been killed on the street in some sort of drive by shooting, and the police were looking for information since the shooter had not been caught.

 

Yuri guessed it was karma. You treat people like shit, get pleasure from their pain, and you get gunned down in the street.

 

“He doesn’t want to talk.” Victor sat down on the couch with a sigh. They were back at Victor’s apartment. Victor had called off practice for the rest of the day, and Yuri had decided to come along with him and Yuuri back to their place. Yuri wasn’t surprised that Yuuri wasn’t talking. He had barely said to words back at the rink, besides that he was sure that it was the same man, and stating that he was going to be sick. Yuuri had spent a good twenty minutes in the bathroom throwing up, while Yuri stood outside and shooed everyone away.

 

“I don’t want to hover too much, but I don’t want to leave him alone either,” Victor said, putting his face in his hands. The poor guy looked exhausted. Yuri hoped that someday he could find someone who cared about him as much as Victor cared about Yuuri.

 

“He’ll talk when he wants to,” Yuri said. He didn’t really know what the right thing to do or say in this situation was, but Yuuri had eventually opened up to him that day at the rink.

 

“I just hate to see him like this,” Victor sighed. “Especially when he’s been working so hard and doing so well. I’m always afraid that something will happen and it will set him back again.”

 

“That’s what we are here for,” Yuri replied. “To help him so that doesn’t happen.”

 

Victor smiled sadly. “You’ve been so great, Yuri. I can’t thank you enough. I know Yuuri appreciates it as well.”

 

Yuri waved him off. “It’s whatever, old man. No need to get sentimental about it.”

 

“You handled his panic attack well. I’m sure it must have frightened you.”

 

Yuri shifted uncomfortably. “Well, yeah. It happened so fast. He was fine one moment and the next he wasn’t. I was afraid he was going to pass out or something.”

 

“It can happen pretty quickly,” Victor said with a nod. “I’m just glad you were there and he wasn’t alone.”

 

“How…how do you stay so calm?” Yuri asked, genuinely curious.

 

Victor chuckled. “I don’t. I act as calm as I can, because I know that’s what Yuuri needs. I know that my fear will only add to his. But on the inside, I am terrified. I’m constantly worried and trying to make sure nothing triggers an attack for him. It’s gotten better, recently.”

 

Yuri shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 

Victor looked down at the ring on his finger. “It’s just what you do when you love someone.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri lay on the bed, Makkachin cuddled next to him. He was exhausted, mentally and physically, despite the fact it was only early in the afternoon. He felt strange. He was confused by the mixture of feelings swirling inside of him. Part of him was happy that that man was dead. It meant that he could never hurt Yuuri or anyone else ever again. And that was a good thing. But it also seemed unfair, like he had gotten off easy. The angry side of Yuuri wanted the man to suffer, to be brought to justice and punished. And on top of that, just seeing the man’s face alone had brought enough fear to make him get overcome by a panic attack again. Seeing his face so clearly and unexpectedly had not been a fun surprise, and Yuuri could not stop remembering that man’s face the night in the alley.

 

The other two men were still out there, as well. Yuuri couldn’t forget that. Or, maybe they were; for all he knew they could have been killed at some point too, especially if they were involved in whatever had gotten the other man killed. Until he knew for sure, he still had the fear that they were out there, behind some corner.

 

Yuuri wondered how different things might have been had he stayed in St. Petersburg that night. He probably would have ended up telling Victor what had happened right away; Victor would have known that something had happened. Would then man have been caught had they went to the police? Would the police have even cared? It wasn’t as if people were very open to homosexuality in Russia; nor was there often justice for cases of rape. Would Yuuri have even wanted to prosecute them? Would he want to sit up on some witness stand and describe that night in detail?

 

Yuuri wished he could just sleep. He was tired and we wanted his brain to shut off and not think about anything at least for a little while. He had made a fool of himself again at the rink. He’d barely been back practicing with the others, and he had already dissolved into tears and threw up in the bathroom. Luckily Victor and Yuri had kept everyone away, but Yuuri knew they’d be curious as to what had happened. He wasn’t sure if anyone would believe him to be a serious skater anymore.

 

Yuuri hugged Makkachin tightly. Some days, and some moments, were harder than others. Some days he felt perfectly normal, like nothing bad had ever happened. Some days he hated himself, and his life, and wished nothing more than to disappear. Today was one of the latter, and it felt overwhelming. He was just so tired of everything. Tired of the fear, the anger, the tears.

 

He pulled himself out of bed and wandered into the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror; he looked terrible. Why did he have to look such a mess? Why did this have to happen to him? He hated those men. He hated every one of them. He hated himself as well. He hated being this weak person who couldn’t even trust looking at the newspaper.

 

Why didn’t he fight back that night? Had he really been that afraid of death? Why was he always so goddamn afraid?

 

His frustration bubbling over, Yuuri punched the mirror, his reflection shattering into tiny little shards as the glass from the mirror fell all over the sink and floor. Though it had felt good to hit something, he almost immediately regretted it. Not only had he broken the bathroom mirror, which they’d have to repair, his hand was now bleeding all over the floor as well. Which was just great.

 

“Yuuri?!” Victor came in, looking panicked. His eyes widened at the sight in front of him, which Yuuri figured must not be pretty. Cursing in Russian, he pulled Yuuri out of the bathroom, careful to avoid the glass. Yuri was there too, looking scared. “Grab some towels from that closet!” Victor yelled at him, pointing behind him. Yuri jumped and did as he was told, grabbing the towels and throwing them at Victor.

 

Victor guided Yuuri to the bed, making him sit. Yuuri felt as if he was in a trance, unaware of even the pain in his hand. Victor gave Yuri more instructions, though he was speaking in Russian and Yuuri couldn’t understand. Yuuri didn’t even look at Victor. He just sat there, staring down. He felt ashamed to have acted in such a way and cause Victor this trouble.

 

“We may have to take you to the hospital,” Victor said apprehensively, wrapping Yuuri’s hand. “You may need stiches.”

 

Yuuri didn’t say anything. Victor said something to Yuri again, slipping back into Russian. And then Yuri was there, looking nervous. Yuuri let them guide him out of the apartment and to the car. Yuri sat in the back with Yuuri and Victor drove them. Yuuri still said nothing to them. He couldn’t believe that he had made this much of a hassle.

 

“Hey, Katsudon” Yuri said, his voice soft. “Are you okay? Besides your bleeding hand?”

 

Yuuri didn’t look at him or respond.

 

“Of course you aren’t,” Yuri sighed. “Sorry, stupid question. Just…it’ll be okay, alright? I know it may not feel like it, but I believe it will. Just don’t…don’t disappear again.”

 

Yuuri looked up, startled by the words. After everything that had happened, Yuri still wanted him around. He was still worried that he would leave again. Yuri was looking at him, and Yuuri was reminded of how young Yuri was. Whenever Yuri was upset or afraid, and even some times when he was happy, Yuuri could see it. The young Yuri. Yuri was always trying to act tough and older, but deep inside he was still a kid.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised Yuri, and Yuri gave him a half smile.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri’s hand did end up requiring a few stiches, but it was nothing too bad. Yuuri finally brought himself to look at Victor and apologize to him as they fixed up his hand, as Victor sat on his other side and held his uninjured hand.

 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he told Victor, feeling the tears escape his eyes. “I was just…just so angry with everything. I just kind of snapped.”

 

Victor shook his head. “I know, love. After everything that’s happened, I’m not surprised.” He kissed Yuuri’s hand. “Maybe…maybe we should talk about seeing a doctor, again. I know you didn’t want to before, but…it might help.”

 

Yuuri sighed, flinching at his sore hand. “Maybe you’re right. I think I might need it. I think I might be ready.”

 

Victor looked relived. “Okay. That’s great, love. I just want you to have all the support and help you can get. And I promise I will still be here every step of the way.”

 

Yuuri smiled tiredly, and Victor pressed a kiss to his forehead. The doctor looked at them but didn’t say anything. Once Yuuri’s hand was stitched up and bandaged, they sent him off. They met Yuri in the waiting room, and then headed home.

 

* * *

 

Yuri insisted on making them dinner, and neither Victor nor Yuuri could protest. Victor could tell that Yuuri was exhausted, and decided that they could settle on the couch and watch a movie while Yuri cooked. His poor hand was all wrapped up, and Victor could tell that it was painful, even though Yuuri didn’t complain. Victor had been terrified when he saw Yuuri’s hand dripping with blood. He felt bad for having left Yuuri alone when he was so upset. He should have stayed with him. He hated to see Yuuri in so much pain, both physical and emotional.

 

“I’m tired,” Yuuri sighed, leaning to Victor’s chest as they sat together on the couch.

 

“It’s been quite the day,” Victor agreed. He realized he was tired as well. “We’ll take the day off the rink tomorrow, okay? I think we need a day in to rest.”

 

Yuuri sighed. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize, Yuuri. I told you, it’s okay. We’ve been at the rink a lot lately, anyway.”

 

“Hm.” Yuuri hummed in agreement. His eyelids fluttered, and in minutes, he was fast asleep. Victor sighed, wrapping his arms around Yuuri, wishing his embrace could keep Yuuri safe from all the terrible things that haunted him. He was happy that at least Yuuri agreed to start talking to a doctor again. And Yuuri had been doing well prior to today. Victor was sure that they could get back there. He would do anything he had to to make sure of it.

 

Victor couldn’t stop his own tears, feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened that day. Before he knew it, his exhaustion overtook him and he was asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Sorry I haven't been updating every day like I used to. I started a new job and honestly Ive just been really tired T.T 
> 
> I feel like this will be wrapping up in the next few chapters. I haven't written ahead at all so I'm not sure how many more there will be, but I'm not guessing that there will be too many more. 
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you have enjoyed this chapter and will enjoy the rest of the story as well. Your support has been amazing and I'm so thankful for it <3


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